


Bittersweet

by Luv_Haze



Category: Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Dreams, Kink Meme, M/M, Rape, Romance, Season/Series 04, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-20
Updated: 2014-08-28
Packaged: 2018-01-25 19:58:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 19
Words: 37,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1660625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luv_Haze/pseuds/Luv_Haze
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on TWD Kink Meme prompt:  Rick is raped while he is held captive. Daryl rescues him, but has dreams about being raped by Daryl.</p><p>Rick is taken out of the train car for negotiations with the Terminus people only to be taught his place.  He's raped, but he doesn't know who raped him and he's very aware that it might have been Daryl, forced to participate under duress.  The experience leaves them grappling with a mix of feelings, emotions and attraction--at least, Rick hopes it's attraction, because he can't stop thinking about Daryl.  Set right after the Season 4 finale.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“I’ll be honest with you…Rick was it?” Gareth said as he stood in front of the chair Rick was cuffed to. “We’re not bad people. We are simply doing what’s necessary to survive, same as you and your people.”

“We’re nothing like you,” Rick said, lips terse.

Gareth nodded as if he agreed. “While your arrival is welcomed, we now face an unfortunate dilemma and decisions have to be made. You see, our supply has grown beyond our current demand and we can’t keep everyone up without it all collapsing like a house of cards. Usually, we integrate whole groups into ours, if they agree to our terms, or we put whole groups into our supply.”

Rick’s nerves were on edge as he followed the conversation. He had his ideas, but begged and pleaded with his mind that they were wrong, that he was wrong. These people couldn’t be doing what he thought they were, because if they were…

“That way nobody has to feel the loss of their loved ones. Trust me, we understand loss,” Gareth continued. “However, your group is big, bigger than any other we’ve had come through in a long time and we can’t integrate all of you with our current supply and we can’t keep all of you alive long enough to be part of our supply so…”

“You fuckin’ talk too much,” Rick spat, tired of listening to this college kid asshole talk about supply and demand as if they were cramming for an econ exam. This idiot had been rambling ever since Rick had been singled out and removed from the train car and brought for a sit down discussion.

Gareth sighed. “Like I said, we’ve never been in this position before so we know what needs to happen, but we’re graciously extending the final decision to you. If you and your people would like to stay, we can accommodate six people, the other ones have to go into supply.”

Rick stared at him, daring him to proceed, because he wasn’t about to ask. There were twelve of them and Gareth was only offering sanctuary to six, not that any of them would accept it anyway.

“You see, this is why we want you to join our group, we could use someone like you,” Gareth laughed nervously under Rick’s intensity. “It’s been a long time since we had strong and able minded leaders in our group. Don’t get me wrong, we have leaders, just none like you. And it’s no wonder you’ve all lasted so long out there, you’ve got at least three, if not more, of you that, quite frankly, we’d do anything to have on our side.”

Rick flinched, but he didn’t know why, his body was taut so tight he felt like he’d likely just stand up and rip the cuffs off his wrists and beat the man into oblivion, but the metal holding him in place didn’t agree with his plan.

“You, the archer, the samurai, the solider…” Gareth smiled and Rick assumed the soldier was that big guy, Abraham, that he’d met only a few hours ago. “But let me be real with you, okay? Can I be real with you? Your son, he’s a teenager and teenage boys have the biggest appetites of anyone. He’s a liability at this point. Now, I spoke up for him, because I know we need you and you won’t come along without him, so I’m on your side Rick. I think with the proper negotiations, we can come to an agreement where you and your son get to stay, but he’s hanging in the balance right now and you are the only one that can save him. Do you understand?”

At the mention of Carl, Rick had stopped breathing, making sure he heard every word that came out of that dumb punk’s mouth. There was a lot being said, but it was still vague and Rick was ready for the truth, the real truth, not Gareth’s bullshit supply and demand flow charts.

“You’re eatin’ people?” The words were out of Rick’s dry mouth before he could stop himself, before he could deny it any longer and live in their finely crafted illusion.

Gareth tilted his head and frowned. “You make it sound so…bad.”

Bile rose in Rick’s throat and he swallowed to push it down. He looked at his hands, each cuffed to an arm of a chair and thought about standing up and attacking him with the chair still attached to him, but then thought better of it. He had to be smart, he had to get his people out of there and acting out wasn’t his best option at the moment.

Taking a deep breath, he settled himself and started whatever this negotiation process was, anything to buy his group more time to come up with a plan. “Fine. Let’s negotiate. What are your terms?”

The small upturn of Gareth’s lips indicated he was only pretending to be pleased, but Rick had been a cop long enough to know it wasn’t genuine. Gareth didn’t trust his intent.

“Six people can integrate into the group, we would like you, the archer, the samurai, the soldier, your son, of course, and then you can pick the last person. The other six will have to be confined until it’s time for them to serve the greater good of the community. We’ve already discussed that it would be unfair to tell those six that they are the only ones being put into supply so we are willing to tell them you are just being separated and they’ll never know the other six of you lived on.”

A flash of Carl eating a plateful of Glenn crossed his mind and Rick felt the bile again. He reminded himself he wasn’t actually negotiating, just buying time and nodded through his disgust. “Or? What are my other options?”

“There are no other options. Your choice is not whether this will happen or not, your choice is who it will happen to. We are willing to negotiate certain people with you. So if you prefer we keep someone else rather than…let’s say the archer…we’d consider that.”

Rick felt the vein in his neck pulse at the mention of Daryl. He needed Daryl, his brother, his equal. “No, he stays.”

“I figured that’d be your choice, I saw what was going on between the two of you,” Gareth said, wagging his finger with a devious smile.

“What?” Rick growled.

“Oh come now, it’s obvious don’t you think? Nothing to be ashamed of, I saw the way he was looking at you when you first arrived. Not just leader and right hand man…or maybe that is what he is, your right hand man…” Gareth seemed delighted by his little pun. Rick, however, was imagining Daryl’s hand on him—something he’d never imagined before that moment, but now it was planted there, unable to be unseen.

Rick said nothing.

“Regardless of who you are shacking up with at night, we have one more condition to the agreement, one you’re probably not going to like. We are a smart group of people, but we do lack in a certain brute force, so in order for you to stay, we’ll need some assurance that you won’t lead a rebellion against us or plot out our deaths while we sleep.”

“You want to be able to trust me,” Rick said, clearly thinking this guy might be book smart, but he was people stupid. There’s no way Rick would trust them or become trustworthy after all this.

“Oh god no,” Gareth said. “We want to break you.”

“That’s not going to be easy,” Rick said, stating a truth. “Especially when you don’t have what it takes to break me. No offense.”

“None taken. And you are exactly right, we don’t have what it takes to break someone as strong as you, not by standard brute force measures at least. Lucky for us, a psychiatrist came through here awhile back. Lovely lady. We integrated her in exchange for her expertise on people, she’s invaluable really. She told us that the people who suffered the most…were the most broken…were people who had experienced intense sexual trauma. Seems to really mess with people’s heads. Anyway, she doesn’t condone this of course, none of us do really, and we haven’t done this to anyone before, so please don’t think this is common practice here…we’re just testing it out on you to see if it works or not.”

“You touch any of my people and I’ll kill you.” Spit flew out from Rick’s mouth with his threat as he strained against the restraints.

Gareth shook his head. “I already told you, weren’t you listening? The only one we need to break…is you.”


	2. Chapter 2

The beginning to this alleged sexual assault was uncomfortable at best. Rick had never imagined himself as a victim, not of this, but now that it was happening he wasn’t sure it even counted. Gareth hadn’t been joking when he said they had never done this to someone before, that was more than obvious and Rick couldn’t imagine how this was going to break him. Annoy him, sure. Piss him off, absolutely. But turn him into a mental case…not likely. These fuckers didn’t know who they were dealing with.

Gareth had made it clear that he wasn’t the one that would be doing the fucking, saying something about it being too gay for him. It was clear to Rick why these people had to lure people into a trap, they didn’t have what it took to live out there like the rest of them.

Rick had been blindfolded first, arms tied behind his back, then forcibly moved to bend over something, something he hadn’t noticed in the room before so he didn’t know what it was, but it was hard and felt like wood. Maybe a small table. The edge dug into his hips and his feet were spread apart and cuffed to something that didn’t give, but his head hung off the other side. Only then had they realized he was still dressed and he heard cursing before multiple hands were on him, uncuffing one leg at a time and awkwardly removing his pants. These people were morons.

The idea of being raped didn’t bother Rick for some reason. Even if it had been brutal, he knew he could survive it and move past it, but he would do anything to buy his group time so he didn’t fight them or struggle too much, better to get it over with and act like it fucked him up so they’d drop their guard around him.

Then they removed his shirt. Gareth was still hanging around, though by the distance of his voice, Rick could tell he wasn’t one of the hands working on getting him into position.

“Take off his blindfold for a minute,” Gareth said and the darkness lifted.

Rick squinted lifted his head to meet Gareth’s eyes. But that wasn’t all that his eyes found.

Daryl.

Gareth put his hand on Daryl’s shoulder and his friend flinched away, but his arms were bound behind his back and he was gagged. He was also stripped down to just his pants, his shirt and jacket gone. “There’s a last minute twist,” Gareth said. “Why break one of you when we can break two of you at the same time.”

Suddenly Rick wasn’t feeling invincible anymore. He didn’t know if they intended to rape Daryl at the same time, something Rick couldn’t allow to happen, or worse, if they meant for Daryl to rape him.

But there was no way, right? Even if they wanted Daryl to do it, that didn’t mean he would, or could. Wasn’t easy to get hard in situations like these, at least for Rick, he hoped it was the same for Daryl. It dawned on him that he’d never even considered Daryl with a hard on until now, another image that couldn’t be erased now that it had come to mind.

He locked eyes with Daryl, trying to convey that everything was alright, that they’d both be alright. But when he stopped trying to convey his confidence, he was able to see that Daryl wasn’t scared, he was the one offering Rick a look of strength.

Gareth’s eyes twinkled. “Oh now, don’t worry Rick, it won’t be as bad as you think. We don’t plan on hurting you, just take you down a notch. That’s why we chose this location.”

Rick was in a warehouse with a wide open door, big enough for a truck to drive through it. It opened to the main area where he’d seen the girl wearing Daryl’s poncho and he’d shot that asshole Alex who had Glenn’s watch. The sun was fading fast and he noticed a few women lighting candles and torches in the courtyard.

“This isn’t about violence, this about undermining you and your natural charisma. See, all those people out there, they would eventually fall prey to your charms and believe your ideas that they can live a better life and we can’t have that. So while you are being…um…” Gareth cleared his throat. “While you are hammering out one of the conditions of our agreement, everyone here will be free to come by and watch. That is, if they want to. I think curiosity will probably be the downfall of most, especially with pornography a distant memory.”

Daryl started grunting and twisting to get out of his restraints, a gesture Rick appreciated, but it wasn’t enough to stop what was happening. And what was happening was becoming more and more uncomfortable for Rick.

Gareth clapped his hands together once. “Alright, enough chit chat, let’s get started. Blindfold him.”

The blindfold returned and Rick felt his pulse quicken. He had been okay with the idea of being raped, but now that Daryl was in the room and anyone could breeze through and watch, he felt less and less prepared for what was going to happen. This wasn’t just about him, they were putting on a show for their people, to make sure none of them ever looked to Rick with respect.

Not only was he blindfolded, but he was also gagged this time. He heard shuffling, he could tell they were pushing an uncooperative Daryl toward him. No, no, please not Daryl, not him. Rick wasn’t concerned for himself, he was afraid for Daryl, of what they’d do to him if he refused.

He could hear Daryl’s muffled grunts growing closer. Rick started sweating, panic setting it. Anything but this, anything but making Daryl participate, Rick could come back from this, but he wasn’t sure Daryl could.

Rick heard whispering and the grunting stopped. The uncooperative shuffling toward him stilled near the table and the hairs on Rick’s neck rose in fear. He didn’t know what was happening and that was the worst part of it all.

Steady footsteps approached and then Gareth’s hot breath landed on Rick’s ear. “So here’s what’s going to happen…someone is going to fuck you and you’re not going to know who it is. People are going to watch and you’re not going to know who they are. So when we integrate you into the group, you’ll always be wondering, was it that guy that fucked me? Did that woman watch? Did they see me spread open and fucked like a whore? Every time you look at one of us, you’ll wonder…and the not knowing will eat at you from the inside. Our psychiatrist says that the imagination can produce horrors worse than the truth. Your truth will always be this moment, but your imagination will be forced to fill in the blanks of all the information it doesn’t have.”

Rick was starting to understand their tactic and he knew it could work if executed properly.

“Every time you see one of our guys, you’ll look at his crotch and wonder, is that the cock that split me open? Or the archer? Maybe it’s the archer, jacked up on Viagra and unable to help himself. Forever keeping his mouth shut and lying to you that it wasn’t him, because he can’t face his own disgust at how much he loved being inside you, fucking you like he’s always wanted to.” Gareth’s words were laced with intent.

Rick finally groaned in resistance at the mention of Daryl.

Gareth’s hand settled on the top of Rick’s head and stroked his hair. “You’re not going to hate this…you’re going to love it and that’s what’s going to kill you the most.”

Rick strained to hear Daryl, to see if he could place him in proximity to where he was, but there was no grunting behind a gag, no shuffling, just Gareth’s face moving back and then the sensation of something else coming around his head. What seemed like headphones were placed on his ears. They were big, like construction ear muffs and weighed his head down even more. He finally let his head drop, the strain on his neck starting to burn.

He was gagged and blindfolded and now his hearing had been impaired. Only the loudest sounds passed through and everything else was muffled beyond his ability to identify it.

Sensory deprivation had long been a way to heighten torture and Rick bitterly began to think this lovely lady of psychiatrist was really ex-government into the more illegal and sadistic forms of studying people.

Rick jumped against his restraints when hands slid across his ass. They were rough hands, or so he thought. Like Daryl’s.

He tried to remember everything he could about Daryl’s hands. He had thick fingers, callouses, a strong grip, his hands always felt safe, manly hands, manlier than Rick’s. But none of that was enough to tell if the hands on him belonged to Daryl.

He felt something wet and cold land on his skin and slide between his cheeks. A finger met the slickness and spread it down, spreading him apart to apply it where it was most useful. They were lubing him up, something that seemed so inconceivable that Rick feared the worst.

The finger swirled around his entrance, almost gently, lovingly and Rick shivered from the contact. Oh god, it probably was Daryl. Of course his friend would try to make it as easy on him as possible.

Rick jerked his hips as if to get away, knowing full well he was going nowhere. The hands grabbed his hips, holding them in place, rubbing circles on them as if to soothe him. He was being fucking soothed. Tears came to Rick’s eyes.

The hands massaged his hips and cupped his ass, moving up to his lower back and stretching out to his shoulders. This caused the person to press against him and for the first time, Rick felt the cock that would be inside him as it made contact with his ass and thighs. Was it Daryl’s cock? Whoever it belonged to, it was hard and good sized.

He imagined someone shushing him as he started to shake, but there was no sound, only the feeling of touch and while Rick wanted to throw up because it felt good. It felt too good.

The hands kneaded into his shoulders for a bit then worked their way down his back again, massaging and soothing him. Rick’s own cock stirred under the edge of the table. It had been flaccid and hanging there, but now blood flowed to it and he was partially hard, much to his frustration.

The hands continued down, back to his hips and ass, caressing him, adoring his body and Rick panicked and struggled again. He could feel the man’s legs against his. The hands slid down to his upper thighs, rubbing and teasing, before sliding up the front of him and grabbing hold of his cock.

Rick hadn’t been expecting that, especially with the way he was positioned. But there was just enough room under the table for the hand to encircle him and tug on him. Rick tensed. Oh god, Gareth had been right when he said they didn’t intend to hurt Rick, not physically at least, they intended for him to enjoy it.

The hand felt good, it had been so long since anyone had touched him, had been almost a year since he and Lori had been together. But this is what they wanted, they wanted him to enjoy it and hate himself for it, so Rick made a decision right then and there, not just for him, but for Daryl, for Carl and everyone that depended on him—he would give himself permission to enjoy it so that when it was over, he wouldn’t hate himself for it.

He’d nearly lost his mind when Lori died and it was all because he hated himself for not doing more, not giving himself permission to be human and fuck up. He’d fucked up so many times, that was clear, but not this time. He wouldn’t become a slave to this experience and torture himself like they were hoping. Rick’s heart pounded as he thought the words he’d heard so many times and never understood until now. Words that would be his mantra, his sanity. Not just for him, but for Daryl, because Rick was convinced that those hands belonged to his friend and even if they didn’t, he was going to believe that they did. For his sanity.

Those few words that would keep him from spiraling into darkness—you can’t rape the willing.

In that moment, Rick decided to be the willing.


	3. Chapter 3

The hand on him stroked him until he was fully hard, pinching gently on the tip every now and then. A thought settled into Rick’s mind that had him jumping for joy when he realized that only a guy who’d been skilled with homosexual sex would know how to rub him like this, which meant it wasn’t Daryl.

But just as soon as he had that thought, a companion thought interrupted and leveled it with another truth. Rick didn’t know if Daryl was gay or straight. He’d always assumed he was straight, but that didn’t mean he was. And did he want it to be Daryl or not? That was the real question.

While the hand worked him, he felt the strain of the man’s cock against his ass and wasn’t surprised when the guy started rubbing against him, eager for his own friction. For a second, he imagined some random guy rutting on him then it was Daryl. Daryl rubbing his Viagra heavy cock on him, hating himself for something he couldn’t control.

You can’t rape the willing, Rick reminded himself and he knew that when they got out of this, he’d have to talk to Daryl about it. He started thinking of that conversation, trying to distract himself, but the hand on him was too good that he was brought back to the present moment. He held back a groan of pleasure as he moved from being aroused to being electrified. Whoever was behind him seemed to sense that Rick was fully turned on and stopped stroking him.

The hand, which Rick noted was a right hand and Daryl was right handed, went back to its original job of spreading the lube around his asshole. It felt like a thumb when it first pushed into him, gently, cautiously testing it out.

Rick had never had sex with a man before, but he’d experimented once or twice in high school by fingering himself to see what it was all about. This felt exactly like that, except it was someone else's finger. Daryl’s maybe.

He imagined Daryl licking his fingers after eating, something his friend frequently did and wondered if he’d ever be able to watch him do that again without thinking of this moment.

The thumb pushed in again, this time wiggling once inside. He felt more gel land on his ass and the hand smeared it around again, this time a longer finger pushing inside him, completely lubed up.

Rick’s cock strained under the table and he started repeating his mantra in his head. You can’t rape the willing. I am the willing. I am the willing.

The finger moved in and out, stretching him until a second finger was added, then a third. A left hand reached around and stroked Rick’s cock a few more times while the fingers continued their assault. And then, the worst thing happened. Both hands stopped and settled on his hips and Rick braced himself for penetration, but instead, he felt the heat of the others chest on his back and lips kissed his spine. The lips trailed kisses all down his back and Rick didn’t understand why this was happening.

Perhaps women were in the room watching and this was for their peace of mind, to think he was being treated well. Or maybe it was Daryl, soothing him and telling him it was going to be okay, that they were going to be okay. Or maybe Daryl was interested in him and taking this once opportunity to adore Rick’s body in ways he’d only fantasized about. No, that couldn’t be it, could it?

Rick’s imagination was already desperately trying to fill in the blanks and it was maddening. Rick decided to believe that there were women in the room, women used to romance novels and bubble baths and the man behind him was simply catering to them. It wasn’t Daryl. Daryl wouldn’t trail kisses along his back.

Just as Rick started to relax, thinking the penetration was far in the future, he felt the tip of the cock press against him. The kissing continued as the man nudged himself forward, slowly, then pulling back to nudge forward again. It was slick so the cock slid down instead of in. The kissing stopped, the heat of the man’s chest against his back lifted and he knew it was time. Whoever it was, Daryl, some random asshole, they were lining themselves up with Rick’s hole.

The first breach burned and Rick’s body reacted by tensing. The free hand caressed his hip, as if asking him to relax. Rick tried to relax, he breathed a few times and the man waited until he managed to control his body. Once pliant, he felt the cock push in again.

It was still uncomfortable, but the pain was duller, more manageable than before. The descent into his body was excruciatingly slow and thoughts of Daryl watching his cock slide into Rick flooded his mind. Rick had always liked watching his cock disappear inside Lori, he knew how much men liked that view and Daryl would be no different.

Rick reminded himself that he didn’t know if it was Daryl or not and even if it was, that didn’t mean he was enjoying this.

He felt the man adjust his stance behind him, using every bit of leverage to fully seat himself inside Rick. He’d never felt so full, so invaded, so out of control of his body. Even when he’d been shot, or almost beaten to death by the Governor, it was all Rick’s body. This was Rick’s body plus one. He imagined this must be what it feels like when women take men inside them, to become part of another human being.

The cock pulled out, faster than it had gone in, and started a slow and steady pace. Now with both hands on his hips, fingers bit into his skin and he could tell the guy was holding back, not wanting to unleash on him just yet.

Rick’s cock jumped as he felt a jolt from deep inside him. He knew about the prostate, that once stimulated it could be quite pleasurable and that’s when he realized the guy behind him was trying to hit it on purpose. Did Daryl know about the prostate and how to hit it? It seemed unlikely. But then again, Daryl had always looked like a redneck but proven himself smarter than some of the more educated people around.

Rick lifted his ass a little, knowing if he did the guy would slide against his prostate more. He was a whore after all, unable to stop himself from wanting the pleasure, especially if it was Daryl giving it to him. He had never considered fucking a man before, much less Daryl, but if it was Daryl pushing into him, he’d happily consider it in the future.

That is, unless Daryl mentally collapsed from having to rape his friend, his brother. But Rick couldn’t comprehend any of that really, it was all speculation and his mind wouldn’t let him settle on anything, it jumped around, trying to fill in the blanks.

As the pace quickened, Rick hazily wondered how long this guy could last. Wouldn’t be worth it if he came in a few minutes. As far as he knew, Daryl hadn’t been with anyone in a long time, maybe even since before the world went to Hell, he wouldn’t last, especially since he hadn’t had time to jack off in the last 24 hours. Rick knew this, because they’d been glued to each other since reconnecting on the road.

The pace slowed again, the fingers loosened their grip on his hips and squeezed him. Would Daryl try to send him a signal? Rick hadn’t thought of that before. A squeeze might be a signal. It wasn’t like they had a contingency plan for something like this. Would Daryl think to signal that it was him, or would be too ashamed to let Rick know.

Another squeeze of his hips made Rick lift his head. He wanted to signal back to him, I got it, I know it’s you, but aside from trying to voice the words from behind the gag and lifting his head, he had nothing. If Daryl wasn’t looking for a signal, he wouldn’t notice it.

And then Rick tightened his muscles around the cock, remembering when Lori had done it and it never went unnoticed. Rick squeezed once, then twice. He stopped and then felt the hands squeeze his hips again, once and then twice.

It was Daryl. They were communicating. Rick squeezed three times quickly. The hands on his hips repeated the sequence.

Oh fuck. This was something. This was information. But now that Rick had the information, he didn’t know what to do with it. And even though he was convinced it was Daryl, a small voice in the back of his head said that any asshole could repeat a series of squeezes just to fuck with him.

Rick started shaking his head, trying to dislodge the heavy earmuffs. He just needed a second to hear, if it was Daryl, he’d grunt or something to let him know. Just as the muffs clattered to the ground, Rick strained to listen for anything, but all he heard was the slapping of their bodies.

And Gareth.

“My you are naughty,” Gareth said, obviously standing in front of him. “Bet you’re wondering who’s back there? Hmmm…should I tell you? Or would you rather know who is watching? Maybe your kid?”

Rick hadn’t considered that and tensed, pushing the cock out of him.

“Nah, don’t worry, we aren’t that mean. Your kid isn’t here, but your archer is,” Gareth said as he reaffixed the earmuffs.

The cock probed to get back in as Rick panted, mostly from arousal but also from the shock of thinking Carl might be watching this. But Gareth had confirmed that Daryl was in the room, and that was something, but was he watching or doing the fucking?

The hands massaged his ass and whoever it was, was waiting on him to relax before trying again. Rick felt like he was close to hyperventilating and the guy was observant enough to place a hand in the center of his back to ground him. The other hand went to Rick’s cock, which had momentarily drooped at the mention of his son, and stroked him back to full mast.

The cock nudged at his tightly clenched hole again and Rick forced himself to relax, feeling it slip inside easily. He couldn’t lie, he was glad to be reconnected with Daryl, as shameful as that seemed, it was the only thing getting him through this. 

It continued on for what seemed like forever. The pace would quicken then slow, whoever it was knew how to hold off, but Rick knew when the man had reached his limit because the thrusts intensified and the hand returned to his cock, pumping him like it was do or die.

Rick wanted to hold off and not give them the satisfaction of his orgasm, but the hand wrapped around him wouldn’t be denied. When Rick came, he imagined it was just him and Daryl fucking around at the prison in the darkness of the tombs, needing to get off. That had never happened, but once again, it was now in Rick’s mind and it seemed likely to never disappear.

As Rick’s body twitched from release, he felt the pounding die off in jerky thrusts, indicating his…his…what could he call this man? His abductor? His rapist? Daryl? Whoever it was, they had finished.

They slowly pulled out of him, the hands on his hips giving him a final squeeze before their heat evaporated. He sensed that the man had stepped back, they were no longer sharing this experience, it was over and now Rick would have to face the truth. He had been fucked by a man and he had enjoyed it. And he had imagined it was Daryl, no, not just imagined, he wished it was Daryl, he pleaded for it to be Daryl, for his sake, because he could live with that.

But then he was a monster, because he was only thinking of himself. It was good for Rick to think it was Daryl, but was it good for Daryl to be the one who had done it? Or even if he hadn’t, was it fair to Daryl that Rick imagined it was him?

Rick wouldn’t be able to leave this alone. He’d have to talk to Daryl about it sometime, but first, he hoped he’d bought enough time for his Glenn and Maggie and the others to figure something out. None of this mattered unless they got away from these cowardly assholes in the first place.

Nearly ten minutes (or so Rick estimated) passed before the earmuffs were removed and the blindfold snapped away. It was darker than when they’d started so his eyes adjusted more quickly to the candlelight. The big garage style door was closed and there was only Gareth, no one else.

“Well that was fun, wasn’t it? You seemed to enjoy yourself Ring Leader,” Gareth said, following Rick’s gaze around the room. “Oh, don’t worry, I sent everyone away before we took your blindfold off. Wouldn’t want you being mad at whoever watched. It’s not like any of them could help you anyway, so please, don’t take it out on them. Now, I’m going to do something real nice for you, okay? I’m going to give you your own special place to sleep tonight, away from your people. That way you can rest and recover before you have to face them.”

That was the worst news Rick had heard since all of this started, even worse than them eating people, because they were stronger as a group and they wouldn’t leave without him, even though he wished they would.

A couple of scrawny looking men came into the room and uncuffed him and helped him stand up straight, his arms still tied behind his back.

They led him naked and barefoot through the warehouse and into small, dark room. It didn’t seem like a train car or shipping container, it was just a small room, maybe an old office for whatever business had been established here before the turn.

One of the guys cut the rope around his wrists just before shoving him into the room and pulling the door closed behind him. Rick was naked and cold as he reached for the doorknob. It was not only locked, but he heard them nailing something across the front of the door, barring him inside.

“Rick?” Daryl’s voice startled him.

Turning around with a hard swallow in his throat, Rick faced the darkness. “Daryl? 's that you?”

There was barely a sliver of moonlight from a few cracks over the boarded up window and in that light, he saw the form of his friend move closer.

“There’s a blanket and water. You thirsty?” Daryl asked.

Rick shook his head. Not that Daryl could really see it. “Daryl, was it you?” He asked before he could censor himself. He had to know.

He sensed more than saw Daryl retract into the shadows. He didn’t respond.

“Daryl… it’s okay, you can tell me, I won’t be mad. I just need to know. Was it you?”

He heard Daryl sigh. Rick moved closer to him, reaching out his hands in front of him and he felt Daryl move farther away.

He finally made contact with his friend’s bare arm. He let his fingers slide down until he was able to grab Daryl’s hand. That’s when he heard Daryl’s choked back sob.

Rick squeezed his hand, reassuring him the same way he had done for Rick during sex, but Daryl didn’t squeeze back.


	4. Chapter 4

When Rick tried to pull Daryl into hug, his friend jerked back, shaking his hand free. He heard him cough as if to clear the sound of his crying.

“Ya need to drink this,” Daryl smacked a bottle of water into Rick’s hand.

“We need to talk about this,” Rick said, his eyes acclimating to the dark with each passing minute. He could better make out Daryl’s form. He was naked too, at least from the waist up. Rick had to know so he made a grab for Daryl’s hip and found skin instead of fabric, they were both naked.

Daryl jerked away even more. “We ain’t gotta talk about it, okay? It happened, we’ll deal with it. We need to get outta here, Rick. We need to get the others and leave.”

Rick’s brows furrowed. “But what happened?” He asked like an insecure girl after her first time with a guy she just knew wasn’t going to call the next day.

“Man, ya got raped,” Daryl bit out. “That’s what happened and no one needs to know but me and you, ya understand?”

Daryl’s anger worried Rick. Was he angry because he had been the one to do it or because he hadn’t been able to stop it.

“As my brother, please tell me. I have to know,” Rick said, not backing down. “Did you watch? Or did you do it?”

Daryl literally whimpered and it took a second for Rick to realize the sound had come from his friend.

“We gotta get outta here Rick, until then, I can’t tell ya, okay? Do you trust me?” Daryl was pleading, the anxiety in his voice more than evident.

“They threaten you?” Rick asked.

Daryl was silent.

“They threaten one of our own? Is that why you can’t tell me? Because there’s nothing to be ashamed of Daryl, if you did it or watched, there’s nothing to forgive, you and me have no problem. You hear me? You did what you had to,” Rick said, reaching for Daryl again, but this time aiming for his shoulder.

He was surprised when he felt Daryl’s hand deliberately come into contact with his chest. Was that one of the hands that had been on him, soothing him through the experience?

“Rick, focus. These people are fucked so deep in the head that they had this girl come up to me after they took ya out of the train car. She was begging me to fuck her, said she only had a few weeks left to get pregnant otherwise they were going to put her on the grill. This girl, Rick, she told me that they would let her stay if she had a baby, something about babies tasting like veal, nice and smooth going down. She wanted me to fuck her so she could get pregnant. We have to get out of here tonight and then I will sit down with ya and tell ya what happened, but right now, I need ya to focus, can ya do that?”

The horror of what Daryl told him paled in comparison to the jealousy that surged out of nowhere. “You fuck her?” Rick asked.

“What the fuck man? No!” Daryl said, his hand dropping away from Rick’s arm. “Shit, they already fucked your head up. I need ya Rick, ya gotta stay with me man.”

Rick was confused, mainly because he felt totally sane and coherent and Daryl seemed like the one that was ranting on and on like he was losing it.

“Daryl, listen to me. I’m fine. My head is fine. You’re right, we need to get out of here. Any ideas?” Rick decided that pushing for an answer was only giving Daryl anxiety. Fine, he could wait until they were free of this place to know, at least he hoped he could wait.

Daryl was quiet.

“So no ideas then?” Rick wanted to laugh, but he didn’t want to seem like he’d gone crazy when he hadn’t. “First things first, how do we get out of this room and where do we get clothes?”

“No, I got an idea…just wasn’t sure if ya’d like it or not,” Daryl said.

“Beggars can’t be choosers right now.” Rick waited for a long moment, thinking the idea must be risky for Daryl to hesitate.

“I think we should ask to have that girl come in here,” Daryl said and Rick felt as if his heart had been broken. “Hear me out…she said they wouldn’t fuck her, so she didn’t have many options, but that they really wanted her to get pregnant so if we offer to fuck her, they’ll open the door to let her in.”

Rick understood, the plan was about getting the door open, not about the girl, but that didn’t make the heaviness growing in his heart lift. He couldn’t stand Daryl even talking about the girl much less the idea of him fucking her, not that fucking her was even part of the plan.

“We got one shot at this, so we gotta know what we’re doing,” Daryl said.

“Were you planning this before you knew I’d be in here with you?” Rick asked, unable to contain his disappointment.

“I knew ya’d be in here, they told me right away,” Daryl said so quickly that Rick believed him. “Part of their plan or sumthin’.”

“What do we do when the door opens?” Rick asked, letting Daryl take the lead.

Rick was listening, but mostly focusing on Daryl’s strength, the way he didn’t miss a beat and was already planning their escape. He was impressed, even with only one hammer, the two of them had a chance, because together they were unstoppable.

The rest of the plan spilled from Daryl’s mouth as Rick tore the blanket in half, which was no easy task without first ripping a tear into it with the claw part of the hammer. He was looking for a way to affix the blanket around his waist when they heard gunshots.

They both bolted to the door and that’s when they realized that the door opened in, not out, so the only thing holding them inside was a basic knob lock. Daryl used the hammer to pry the doorknob apart and the door easily swung open toward them, the board the Termites had nailed simply staring them in the face.

“Fuck these people should be dead by now,” Daryl muttered as they crouched and peered out the door.

More gunshots rang out, but they couldn’t tell from which direction. It sounded like two or three guns, no more than that, so whoever was firing was small in number, but regardless, this was their chance to get to the train car and leave.

There coast was clear so they hurried along the edge of the wall and Rick tried to lead them out one door, but Daryl stopped him and pointed at a different door. Rick had recalled how they got from the train car to the warehouse to the room, but he followed Daryl anyway, trusting his instinct.

Sure enough, Daryl’s door opened to the area where the train car was and bypassed all the other maze of rooms to get there.

They were both clutching their torn half of the blanket around their waists so when they opened the train car door (which was a simple hook that didn’t lock, but couldn’t be opened from the inside) they were met with the faces of their friends. At least some of them.

Carl pushed forward as they began to exit the train and headed for the fence. Rick needed to get to the bag of guns he buried and it seemed Carl was already ahead of him. After quickly scanning everyone’s faces, he realized Glenn and Bob were not among them. He wondered if they were the ones firing, but somehow doubted it.

The armed people around the fence were long gone, so the entire group slipped into the woods and to safety before they gathered around a dense set of trees to assess their next step. That’s when Carl blurted something Rick had almost forgotten about.

“Why are you and Daryl naked?” Carl’s words fell heavy into the night air and Rick felt the rush of shame storm through his body.

Daryl snorted and spit, still gripping the blanket around him.

“They were ‘bout ready to barbeque us, guess they prefer to flavor with salt rather than clothes.”

And just like that, Daryl had explained away his humiliation and Rick was forever in his debt.

 


	5. Chapter 5

-24 hours later-

The rest of the night had been a bloodbath. After getting the buried guns and returning to Terminus, they’d killed off most of the armed people and discovered that it had been Carol and Tyrese they’d heard shooting. They had been watching from the fence and seen Glenn and Bob led out of the train car and decided to take matters into their own hands.

Not a single one of them had been hurt, which wasn’t saying much, the Termites were admittedly not battle savvy. Gareth had escaped, Rick had gone after him but been caught up in having to take out a sniper before he’d gotten his revenge. Michonne had found Rick and Daryl’s clothes and once they were dressed and regrouped, Rick hugged Carol, thanking her for saving their lives, but that wasn’t the only thing she had done for him.

When he saw Judith, who Tyrese and Carol had put up in a tree out of the reach of walkers while she slept and they attacked the compound, he cried.

Now they were holed up in house a few miles from Terminus, the whole lot of them in a small three bedroom, clamoring over each other in long awaited reunions and tears of happiness.

Rick had his family back, all of them…except for Beth and Hershel, but for now, this was more than he’d let himself dream of since waking up after the prison fell.

Daryl stepped up and told the others that he and Rick were taking one of the rooms upstairs and so they had. Rick had spent the entire morning and afternoon in bed, no one bothered him and he wondered if Daryl was the reason for it. He had hoped they’d talk, but as soon as he’d gotten into the bedroom, Daryl rushed out saying he was going to check the perimeter of the house and take the first shift of watch. He hadn’t been back since.

Rick fought off his disappointment. So much had happened in the last 48 hours that his mind was struggling to process it. They’d been captured, reunited with their family, he’d been fucked by a man…Daryl…escaped and reunited with even more of their family and now Terminus was a distant memory. The sex, however, was vivid and fresh in his mind.

Rick sighed as he rolled over and scrunched the pillow up under his head. He wanted to talk to Daryl. As if by some telepathic connection, the door opened and he glanced over his shoulder, grateful when his friend stepped inside with his crossbow and shut the door behind him.

“I never thanked you,” Rick started as Daryl turned his back to him and put the crossbow down on the nearby dresser.

“For what?” He didn’t turn around, just stood there showing his angel wings to Rick.

Rick sat up in the bed. “For knowing which door to use. I was going to take us the long way, but you, you have a sixth sense about these things and I’m grateful, more than you know.”

Daryl nodded and finally faced him. He was biting his lower lip. “It’s nothin’ really,” he said.

“It’s everything, Daryl. It’s the difference between life and death, my life, Carl’s life…our family,” Rick said.

“I gotta lie down, I’m hurtin’,” Daryl said gruffly and sat on the end of the bed and started removing his shoes.

“You haven’t slept?” Rick asked, moving over to create more space for him. “Or are you hurt?”

Daryl shook his head. “Just hurtin’ from being awake too long.”

Rick understood that. He had thought the lack of sleep he got as a cop or when Carl was a baby was already beyond human capacity, but when they’d been on the road before the prison, that was the true test of human limits. Sometimes they’d gone for days without real sleep, dozing here and there, it wasn’t just mental exhaustion, it created intense stress on their bodies, causing pain to surface as an indication it was time to stop and sleep. It eventually stopped you in your tracks.

Daryl removed his jacket next then looked over his shoulder at Rick. “You gonna stay or you gonna leave?”

Rick hadn’t thought about leaving. “Stay.”

Daryl looked away and stood up, unbuckling his belt and letting his pants drop. He had nothing on underneath. The shirt was next. Rick couldn’t tear his eyes away from his body, wondering if that had been the body pressing into his. Daryl yanked open of the dresser drawers and rooted around until he found a pair of shorts. He held them up to size them then tried them on. They were a bit big, but he seemed pleased enough to sleep in them.

He then moved to the empty side of the bed and pulled the covers back. He wouldn’t meet Rick’s gaze.

“We still have to talk,” Rick said, wishing he could keep his mouth shut. He knew Daryl needed to sleep.

Daryl slid into the bed and turned his back to him. “Fine. Talk then,” he said, sounding depressed.

Rick reached his hand out, debating on whether or not to touch Daryl’s shoulder. He decided not to. “I only have one question and I promise I won’t be mad. Nothing will change between us. Was it you that…” he hesitated, searching for the best word.

“Fucked you?” Daryl supplied with frustration in his voice.

“Was it you?” Rick pressed on.

Silence. 

Rick leaned back against his pillow and clenched his fist. Why wouldn’t he just answer him?

“You said you couldn’t tell me, can you at least tell me why?” Rick changed his approach.

“They had a gun pointed at your head, don’t know if ya knew that or not, but they did. Said if I told ya, they’d kill ya. Then after, they said if I told ya, they’d kill Carl and feed him to everyone in the train car.” Daryl’s explanation made sense, but was lacking.

“Alright. And now? Why won’t you tell me now?” Rick asked.

Daryl breathed heavily, his shoulder rising and falling. “I don’t know what’s best. Maybe it’s best ya don’t know and once I tell ya, I can’t undo it.”

“I want to know,” Rick urged, scooting closer to Daryl’s back. This probably wasn’t the best place to have this conversation, but it seemed oddly perfect. “Please, it’s the not knowing that’s driving me crazy. Daryl…brother…”

“You’re wrong. It’s better not to know. I know and it’s not better,” Daryl said and finally Rick understood. Daryl was still trying to protect him.

“Then let’s know together. You don’t have to carry that burden alone, I can carry it with you,” Rick said, finally reaching out to touch his friend’s arm.

Daryl flinched then relaxed. “What if it was me? What’s that mean to ya? You think we can just skip on into the world as if it didn’t happen?”

Now they were getting somewhere. “If it was you, I’d be relieved. When it was happening, I thought about if it was you or not and I wanted it to be you.” Rick wondered if he’d said too much.

“And if it wasn’t me?” Daryl asked.

Rick hadn’t really thought about that, he had decided it was Daryl and focused on getting him to admit it. “I, uh…guess it helped me realize I’m a cock whore then,” Rick said, finding humor in a humorless world.

Daryl turned onto his back, looking at Rick with curious eyes. “I’m serious man,” Daryl said.

Rick smiled. “Just tell me.”

“No.”

Rick’s smile flat lined. “Fuck, Daryl, why not?”

“Can’t.” His voice was fading.

“You can. You won’t. There’s a difference,” Rick said.

Daryl’s eyes closed. Rick wanted to shove him off the bed in impatience, but simply closed his eyes too, drifting back to sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

“Ya really want to know,” Daryl’s voice seemed aggressive and Rick wasn’t sure what was going on. One minute he’d been making apple pies, standing in the window of Hershel’s kitchen in a pink apron and in the next, he had rough hands on his hips, pinning him to the counter.

“Daryl?” Rick asked, afraid as he felt the other man push up against his ass. “Stop.”

“No, ya liked it. Remember, remember how much ya fuckin’ liked it when I slid inside ya and fucked you in front of all those people? You’re a fuckin’ whore Rick, my fuckin’ whore and you’re gonna like whatever I do to ya, ya understand?” It was Daryl’s voice, but it sounded metallic, like something was distorted about it.

“Don’t…please.” Rick struggled to get away from him.

“You wanna pretend ya don’t want it, okay…we can do that. I might like that actually, ya saying no, pretending like ya don’t love my cock buried in your ass,” Daryl said, laughing in Rick’s ear as his hands reached under the apron and fondled Rick’s cock.

Rick was naked, save for the apron, and even though he had no idea why he’d be making pies in an apron, it didn’t matter, all that mattered was that Daryl was already pushing into him, tearing him open. This hurt, this wasn’t like the time at Terminus when he’d been gentle.

“Oh fuck Rick, ya tighter than before,” Daryl said, yanking on Rick’s cock until he was heavy in his hand, his whole body thrumming with pain and pleasure.

“Stop, Daryl please…” Rick pleaded, not understanding how this could be happening.

“Hey what’s for dinner?” Maggie asked as she came in the back door and walked past them as if this was normal.

Daryl slammed himself into Rick over and over at a brutal pace. “Ya wanna suck his cock for me?” Daryl asked but Maggie just laughed.

“No thanks, I’ll have some apples instead,” she said, reaching into the bowl Rick had been using to peel apples for his pie. “Rick, you look a little pale, maybe you should get some sun,” she said with a smile then popped an apple slice into her mouth. “Oh and Daryl, make sure he finishes that pie, just cause he’s a whore don’t mean the rest of us oughta starve.”

Rick felt a rush of tears pool in his eyes. Why wasn’t Maggie helping him? Why was she watching?

“Rick, show Maggie your cock for me.” Daryl pulled Rick back from the counter and his cock sprung up in front of him.

“No,” Rick groaned out. “Glenn, what about Glenn?”

“Ya want Glenn to see too? God, I love how much of a whore ya are,” Daryl said. “Glenn! Get in here!”

“No, no…” Rick started crying, tears streaming down his cheeks. He struggled against Daryl while Maggie just laughed at him and ate her apples. “No!”

“Rick, Rick, wake up,” Daryl’s voice startled him and Rick jerked as his eyes opened and he was in the bed with Daryl at the little three bedroom house they’d found after escaping Terminus. “Hey, it’s alright, just a dream.”

“What?” Rick’s voice was hoarse and dry. He could feel that he’d been crying real tears even though it’d been a dream.

“Shhhh.” Daryl soothed him by rubbing his head and gently cupping his cheek as if Rick was a child. But Rick wanted more, he wanted answers, he wanted Daryl to own up to it and he wanted to kiss him.

Rick, still half asleep, reached up and grabbed the back of Daryl’s neck and pulled him down until their lips met. At first, it seemed as if Daryl was compliant, but perhaps he was just shocked, because he scrambled away before Rick’s tongue could get inside his parted lips.

Daryl sat on his knees at the end of the bed, poised to bolt if needed. Rick knew he had to do something fast. Pinching the bridge of his nose, Rick let out a deep sigh. “I’m sorry. It was the dream…”

“Seemed more like a nightmare with all the thrashing around,” Daryl said, still looking wary of Rick’s intent.

“It wasn’t a nightmare,” Rick lied. “Just an intense sex dream.”

Daryl glanced away, seeming embarrassed. “’Bout me?”

Rick looked at him. “Yeah. Sorry.”

Daryl shook his head. “’S okay. Ya was calling out my name, Maggie’s too.” There was a hint of something in Daryl’s voice that Rick couldn’t pinpoint, jealousy maybe?

“Maggie was eating apples and watching,” Rick said, as if that’d make any sense to Daryl.

Daryl started to move back to his place next to Rick. “She seems like the type to watch,” he said and both of them burst out laughing.

After they settled down, Rick reach out and grabbed Daryl’s hand. “I want to know. I know you’re afraid to tell me, but it’s okay.”

Daryl let him hold his hand but didn’t say anything. Rick sighed.

“I get it,” Daryl finally said something. “Bet ya feel alone, like it only happened to ya and no one else and that’s the worst feelin’ in the world.” Rick assumed Daryl spoke from some sort of childhood abuse. “Ya weren’t alone, Rick. I was there. Ain’t that enough?”

“No,” Rick said easily. “It ain’t enough Daryl. I need to know. Can at least tell me who watched? Any of our people?”

“No. None of our people were there,” Daryl said immediately. “Just me. And a bunch of them Termite fuckers.”

Rick felt a stab of humiliation upon hearing this.

“Fuck, see, this is why I won’t tell ya anythin’,” Daryl said. “I can’t even get that right.”

“It’s okay, I want to know.” Rick reminded him. “Have you ever been with a man, Daryl?”

Daryl snorted. “That a trick question?”

“No, I really want to know, I mean, aside from possibly being with me, have you ever been with a man before?” Rick asked. It was totally a trick question because he was trying to feel out Daryl’s experience level, because the man he’d been with had known what he was doing.

“Everythin’ is different between us now, ain’t it?” Daryl asked quietly and it broke Rick’s heart to hear him sound so small.

“It doesn’t have to be,” Rick said softly. But I want it to be, is what he wanted to add but couldn’t. How could he tell Daryl that even if it wasn’t him who had fucked him, he couldn’t stop thinking about it and wanting that with him.

“Was I fuckin’ ya or were ya fuckin’ me in your dream?” Daryl asked out of nowhere.

“You were fuckin’ me,” Rick said, hoping this meant Daryl was interested.

Daryl took a deep breath. “So you think it was me, don’t ya? That’s why you’re dreamin’ about it and askin’ all these questions.”

“Yes,” Rick admitted.

“You think I’d do that to ya?” He asked and Rick accepted that Daryl had his own line of questioning that needed to be addressed first.

“I think you’d do whatever was needed to protect me,” Rick said. “Even that.”

Daryl mulled that over. “I know I told you I’d tell ya the truth, but…”

Rick shut his eyes. “Just stop. I know it was you. Okay, there. Now let’s fucking deal with it.”

Daryl didn’t say anything.

“Fuck!” Rick yelled out. He was sure anyone in the house would have heard him so he lowered his voice. “This is my fucking life Daryl! Tell me, god dammit! I know it was you, I could tell, and it’s driving me crazy that you won’t admit it. I fucking liked it and even if it wasn’t you, I need it to be you. Please, just lie to me! Tell me it was you…”

In his rant, Daryl had simply listened, but now he opened his mouth. “It was me.”


	7. Chapter 7

Now Rick was more confused than before. Had Daryl only said that because Rick begged him to lie to him and take credit for it? Or was it the truth? Rick couldn’t let it die, he had to know, one way or another. The idea to sleep with Daryl kept crossing his mind, he wanted to, but what if it was totally different, what if it hadn’t been Daryl then could he even get Daryl to really fuck him? Just because Rick had been fucked by a man didn’t mean his friend would easily go along with it.

Two days ago, Rick would never have even considered fucking Daryl and now it was all he could think about.

“It’s okay if you liked it,” Rick said.

Daryl rolled his eyes. “Stop. Ya don’t even know what the fuck you’re saying right now.”

“I do. I know exactly what I’m saying. It’s okay if you liked it. It was…good.” Rick couldn’t believe he was telling Daryl this, but it seemed like the direction to go in if he wanted more.

Daryl covered his face with his hand. “Stop.”

“Did they give you Viagra?” Rick asked.

“What?” Daryl slid his hand down so his eyes showed. “Why the fuck would I need Viagra?”

Rick chuckled. “Did you enjoy it?”

“I ain’t seen you in weeks and clearly being on the road again s’done turned ya into some sorta pervert,” Daryl said, covering his eyes again. “I fuckin’ came, didn’t I?”

“I was always a pervert, you just didn’t know that about me,” Rick said with a grin. This felt good, this felt right, talking to Daryl like this.

“Go down and see your kids man, they need ya,” Daryl changed the subject. “And I need to sleep, ya woke me up with all that gyratin’.”

“I wasn’t gyrating, you said so yourself, I was thrashing,” Rick said, starting to get up from the bed. He was hungry and Daryl was right, he couldn’t hide away forever, he had a family to see after.

“I fuckin’ lied to make your sorry ass feel better. Ya was all squirmy, like ya was in heat or some shit,” Daryl peeked out from behind his hand and Rick took the opportunity to meet his eyes and smile at him.

“We good Daryl?” Rick asked. “I don’t want you treating me like a victim, that’s not who I am and that’s not who you are.”

Daryl lowered his eyes. “I don’t see ya that way.”

“Good, then get some sleep and we’ll talk later,” Rick said as he pulled his shirt over his head.

“We’re gonna talk more?” Daryl looked appalled. “Man, I feel like I fell into some sorta relationship with ya when this happened. All we do is talk about our feelin’s.”

“We can do more,“ Rick said as he opened the door to leave. Daryl’s eyes widened and Rick barely got the door closed before he heard the thud of his pillow smacking the door.

Well, at least he hadn’t said no.


	8. Chapter 8

“It wasn’t me ya stupid fuck,” Daryl said, yanking on Rick’s belt. “But it’s gonna be now, cause that’s what ya want, ain’t it. Ya want it to be me so ya can feel good about likin’ it. Ya just can’t stand the thought of who it really was, some asshole like that guy who tried to fuck your kid.”

Rick pushed back against Daryl’s chest, but to no avail, the man was like stone. “Stop, you’re hurting me,” Rick said, pleading. But he wasn’t talking about physical pain, Daryl was hurting his feelings. “You said it was you…”

“I fuckin’ lied to shut your whimpering ass up.” The belt around Rick’s waist was pulled through the loops and Daryl wrapped it around Rick’s neck. “But since ya want me so bad, I’ll show you what it’s like to be with a real man, not like that fag that fucked ya in front of all those people.”

Rick looked around, desperate to get away, but there was nothing. They were consumed in darkness and he couldn’t even pinpoint where they were. Fear gripped him like nothing he’d ever felt before and he began to hyperventilating when the belt tightened around his neck.

“Rick, wake up,” Daryl said, his face morphing into kindness for a moment before returning to the monster who’d been choking him.

“Daryl…” Rick sputtered, his fingernails clawing into his skin as he tried to create space between the belt and his neck. “Please, don’t…”

Then Rick was shaking, no, being shaken. “Rick, Rick… wake up.”

His eyes opened and he started slapping at Daryl, who was hovering over him in the dark room. “Fuck, get off!” Rick slapped him in the face, more of a side slap because his friend was smart enough to duck, but it was a slap nonetheless.

Daryl grabbed his arms and pinned them down, causing him to lean onto Rick’s body. “Shhhh, you’re okay Rick, just a dream. Relax…you’re safe…”

Rick slowly stopped fighting him as he caught his breath. “Daryl?”

“Yeah man, it’s me, you’re okay…” Daryl loosened his grip and slid back to his spot next to him in the bed. They were still at the little three bedroom house, though they were thinking of hitting the road to DC in the morning, the whole lot of them.

Rick swallowed hard a few times, his breath shallow as he dripped in sweat.

“I was being attacked…choked by a belt,” Rick said, leaving out who had been doing it. “I don’t understand, I feel fine about this, why am I dreaming about it?”

“Ya obviously ain’t fine about it,” Daryl said. “I know it was me in the dream, ya fuckin’ said my name again. Rick…I think you’re afraid of me.”

“What? No, that’s not it,” Rick said immediately. “I’m not afraid of you Daryl, far from it.”

“This dream wasn’t like the last one, was it?” Daryl asked.

Rick rubbed his eyes, trying to think. “Did you lie to me?”

“What? About what?” Daryl asked, sounding defensive.

“Was it really you that did it?” Rick asked, the dream had been so vivid that it made him feel like it carried over into real life.

“Fuck. What’s it gonna take for ya to believe me? It was me Rick. I’m the one that fucked ya!” The frustration was pouring out of Daryl’s mouth.

Rick didn’t miss a beat. “Fuck me again.”

Daryl shifted next to him. “Rick, I don’t think—“

“That’s the only way I’ll really know,” Rick interrupted him.

“That’s not the only way, man, ya can just believe me,” Daryl pleaded.

“You don’t want to fuck me again? Is that it?” Rick hated how insecure he sounded.

“I didn’t fuck ya Rick,” Daryl said, “I raped ya, there’s a difference.”

“You can’t rape the willing,” Rick whispered.

“What?”

Rick let out a deep sigh. “I said you can’t rape the willing. And I was willing.”

“The fuck ya were, I was there Rick and ya weren’t exactly asking for it,” Daryl said.

“I didn’t ask for it, but I decided to be willing. And I liked it, I let myself like it, because you were gentle and—“

“Stop!” Daryl sat up in the bed now, the moonlight filtering in from the lacy curtains. “I was gentle because I didn’t want to hurt ya.”

“Doesn’t matter why you were gentle, point is, you were,” Rick said.

Daryl sighed and flung back against his pillow. “Fuck, you’re just messed up from all this, I can’t fuck ya when a month from now or next year you’ll be over it and it won’t matter. I can’t take back what happened, but I can make sure it don’t happen again.”

Now Rick was angry. “You think I’m going to get over this?” But he wasn’t talking about the rape, he was talking about the intense connection it had caused between them. “I’m not going to suddenly get over the fact that it meant something.”

“I don’t understand Rick, what did it mean!?” Rick had never head Daryl sound so desperate. 

Rick couldn’t find the words so he rolled onto his side and leaned over Daryl.

“I fuckin’ raped ya,” Daryl whispered. “That ain’t right, Rick.”

“You protected me,” Rick whispered back, slowly lowering his face to Daryl’s. “And that’s what it means.”

Their lips touched softly and Rick was afraid he would bolt again, but Daryl was the one to deepen the kiss and Rick’s heart jumped in excitement. He shifted his weight and brought his hand up to cup Daryl’s cheek and that’s when he felt the wetness that was there. Daryl was crying.

Rick lifted his lips away and stared down at Daryl’s moonlight face. “I’m sorry,” he said.

“For what?” Daryl sniffed.

“I’m making this all about me. I haven’t even asked you how you feel about it or if you’re doing okay. I’m so sorry,” Rick hung his head, letting his hair brush against Daryl’s scruffy chin.

A hand rubbed his back and Rick realized he was trying to comfort him again. Even when he was trying to be there for Daryl, Daryl was really there for him.

“I’m fine,” Daryl said.

“You’re not,” Rick replied. “You’re crying.”

“That ain’t why…” Daryl said, turning his face away.

Rick adjusted his body to lie on his side, a close to Daryl as possible. “Look at me,” Rick said and Daryl turned his head back to him. “You got nothing to be ashamed about, you hear me?”

“It’s cause you don’t hate me,” Daryl said quietly.

Rick blinked a few times, piecing together what Daryl meant. “Is that why you were crying?”

Daryl wiped his cheek with the back of his hand. “Fuck, stop saying I’m crying.”

Rick chuckled. “I get it.” And he did. Daryl was crying in appreciation of Rick’s acceptance. Rick didn’t condemn him or push him away after what he’d done, he’d embraced him, loved him anyway and Daryl probably hadn’t had much of that in his life.

“What are we doin’?” Daryl asked after a long pause.

“What do you want to do?” Rick asked, holding his breath.

Daryl grunted. “You don’t wanna know…”

Rick sensed the lightness in his friend’s words. “Might surprise you, I might want to know. You tellin’ me that you’ve been thinking about it?”

“Thinkin’ ‘bout it, dreamin’ ‘bout it, barely got anythin’ else on my mind since it happened,” Daryl said.

“Maybe if we do something, we can stop thinking about it so much,” Rick said, hopeful now that Daryl was admitting he too had been fantasizing about being together again.

“What if it makes it worse?” Daryl asked.

“We’ll deal with it,” Rick said. The he added thoughtfully, “but I can’t imagine how it’d be worse, we’d be getting laid, that’s already an improvement.”

Daryl half chuckled, half snorted. “Ya make it sound like this is gonna be a regular thing.”

“It can be,” Rick said. “I mean, why not, right? There are no rules anymore. People just do whatever they want these days, and it’s not like we’d be hurting anybody.”

“So just like that, we’re gonna start fuckin’?” Daryl questioned. “What ‘bout the others, we gonna tell ‘em?”

“Wasn’t planning on telling them. Nobody’s business but ours,” Rick said, trying to reassure him that this was still their secret. He knew Daryl preferred privacy.

“It’s not their business when we sneak away to jerk each other off and leave ‘em unprotected cause we done fucking lost our minds?” Daryl snapped.

“Every one of them made it this far without us. Carl, he took care of me after the prison fell and Carol, she was fine on her own before she met up with Tyrese. Our people protect us when we sleep and I know you want to be there for them every minute, but you can’t, it’s not possible. If it’ll make you feel better though, we can agree to only do this when we’re at places like this one, where everyone is under one roof and we can rest,” Rick said.

Daryl began fidgeting with the hem of the blanket that they had over them in the bed. The fact that they had never slept in the same bed until this all happened did not go unnoticed by Rick. He hoped it meant Daryl wanted to be closer to him too. He also hoped he would respond to his suggestion instead of just picking at invisible lint.

“Daryl—“ Rick started.

“Sounds like a relationship,” he said suddenly and softly.

Rick wasn’t sure what to say, he didn’t know what a relationship looked like anymore, but he knew he had to be with Daryl again and that’s what mattered.

“It can be…” Rick just started talking it out, out loud. “Doesn’t have to be. Whatever you want or don’t want. I’m flexible.”

Daryl huffed a little. “Right, ‘course ya are.” He fiddled with the blanket some more and Rick imagined it was his way of avoiding eye contact. 

“What are you thinking about, Daryl?” Rick asked, anxiety rising in the thick air between them.

“Might be best to focus on gettin’ everyone to DC safely, ya know, save the world and shit,” he said, finally meeting Rick’s gaze. Daryl’s eyes were impossible to read.

“Don’t shut me out,” Rick said, finally understanding what Lori had meant all those years when she’d say the same thing to him.

Daryl gnawed on his lower lip. “Don’t push up on me then.”

Rick felt the weight of those words hit him hard. He was the one that had been raped, but he was now the instigator in pushing Daryl past him emotional limits. He felt sick.

In a daze, Rick got up from the bed and tugged on his shirt. He felt around the floor until he found his shoes and grabbed them, heading for the door.

“Rick, ya don’t gotta leave,” Daryl said.

One hand on the doorknob, Rick turned back to look at his friend in the moonlight. “Yeah, I do.”

And with that, he walked away and went in search of someone he could talk to, because he was turning into someone he never imagined he’d be—and that was scarier than the dead rising.


	9. Chapter 9

Of all people, Rick had not expected Abraham to be the one he’d end up talking to, but the man had been the only one awake when he left Daryl in their room and went to check on Judith in the middle of the night.

“There’s some leftover canned corn if you’re hungry,” Abraham said as Rick entered the kitchen. The man had been sitting at the table in the dark and Rick hadn’t noticed him. Maybe Daryl was right, maybe this was messing with their heads so much that they weren’t as on top of things as they used to be.

“You on watch?” Rick asked just as Abraham lit a candle, illuminating a small area around the table.

“My girl is, she’s just as good with a weapon as your boyfriend.” The words were so casual that Rick’s whole body froze.

“He’s not…we’re not…” Rick didn’t want to say they weren’t together, but he couldn’t say they were either.

Abraham smiled. “Ah, the others don’t know it, is that it?”

Rick shook his head and leaned against the counter, eyeing the open can of corn. “Nothing for them to know, so—“

The laugh startled Rick, it was so rare to hear people fully laugh these days. “I wonder if you even know. Look, I know you think it’s none of my business, but it is. See, all we have is each other right now and I have to know who’s gonna protect who when the shit hits the fan, and we know it will, maybe even a few times between here and DC. So I’m just making sure I know what each person is going to do when that happens.”

Rick was beginning to think Abraham was a strategist and a damn good one. “And you think you got us all figured out?”

“Yep. See, that kid of yours is the wild card, but everyone else was easy to figure out. Maggie and Glenn, they’re obviously gonna stick together, but Tara, she’ll protect them, Glenn will take care of Maggie then Tara, in that order. Sasha and Tyrese might be family, but Carol will grab the baby and Tyrese will protect them and probably harp on Sasha to get her ass over to him, but see Bob’s gonna be the one protecting her, that is if she’ll let him. She’s a better fighter from what I can tell,” Abraham said.

“And?” Rick was impressed, but he did think the group would stick together and not be so divided in an emergency.

“You…” Abraham smirked. “Your guy with the crossbow, Daryl… see you’d both be out front protecting everyone, but he’d be just a step ahead of you and you probably wouldn’t even notice.”

“That’s just Daryl,” Rick said, picking up the can.

“No, that’s a man protecting what’s his,” Abraham said, pointing a finger at Rick, “and you are his.”

Rick grabbed a stray spoon from the counter and stuck it in the corn, but he didn’t feel like eating anything, not after what Daryl had said to him earlier.

“You got your son and the group to protect, Daryl knows that. That’s why he protects you,” Abraham continued.

Rick’s mind jumped back to being on the side of that road when Daryl had offered his blood instead of the gang taking it out of Rick. The gesture had been endearing then, but now it seemed reckless and it caused him to think that maybe what Abraham was saying rang true. But that was before their life changing encounter so he didn’t know what that meant.

He put the can down and crossed his arms over his chest. “What’s your point?”

“Tara is a lesbian,” Abraham said.

Rick felt a lump in his throat, worried of what the man would say next. “So?”

“How long have you two been screwing around?” He asked.

“I ain’t screwing around with her,” Rick said, hoping to deflect.

Abraham chuckled. “I know you aren’t screwing around with the lesbian and you know I meant Daryl, so let’s not waste time pretending we don’t know what the other is talking about.”

“Ain’t none of your business,” Rick said, picking up the corn again, anything to keep his hands busy.

Abraham cocked his head and appeared to be thinking. “So not that long huh?”

Rick had had enough of this and swiftly moved across the room and put his face in Abraham’s. “This isn’t a game. You don’t know what happened to us and if you did, you’d drop it. It wasn’t like we had a choice,” Rick said, confessing something he had promised himself to never reveal. “Whatever it is you think you know, you gotta keep it that way, the others wouldn’t understand.”

Abraham stood up, forcing Rick to step back. “They’d understand, it’s you and him who don’t. I can’t help if you don’t tell me,” he said and for the first time since he’d met the man, Rick realized Abraham was someone he could trust and go to for advice. There was no explanation for it, just a sensing he had.

Rick nodded before speaking. “You have to promise me you won’t talk to Daryl about this…he’s…”

“Understood. Now spill,” Abraham said and the story just came tumbling out of Rick’s mouth.


	10. Chapter 10

Rick’s hands were shaking as soon as his eyes caught sight of Daryl the next morning. He wasn’t sure if they were shaking because he’d told Abraham the whole story, including their current discussions to continue messing around or if it was because he felt like he’d overstepped Daryl’s personal boundaries one too many times.

“Mornin’,” Daryl said, their eyes meeting for a quick second before he turned his back to talk to Glenn. Rick had no idea what was going on in Daryl’s mind.

“It’ll be fine,” Abraham’s voice boomed as he slapped Rick on the back of the shoulder. Luckily, no one looked over and Rick’s anxiety went unnoticed by anyone else.

Rick gave him the “shut up” look.

“Remember what I said last night and relax…” Abraham said, this time in a whisper.

The nod Rick responded with was almost non-existent. He had found a way to control the shaking, but it required him to be deathly still.

“Relax…” Abraham said again and patted his shoulder.

Rick finally let out the breath he’d been holding and felt his body sag from the release of tension, but then the shaking started again. God, he felt like the biggest asshole pervert known to mankind (or whatever was left of mankind). He had been cornering Daryl ever since it had happened, demanding that his friend open up to him, be with him, fuck him…love him.

The last part had been the hardest to admit when he and Abraham had talked, but the big guy had pulled it out of him. Rick loved Daryl. Or at least he thought it was love. It felt like love. And a bit of insanity, but didn’t love always start off feeling that way?

Abraham’s sage advice had been to simply give him time. The solider had pointed out that just because Daryl seemed calm about the situation didn’t mean he knew what the fuck he was doing. And Rick had been looking to Daryl and assuming he did know what he was doing. Truth was, as Abraham had said, was they were both looking to the other for support, Rick was just more verbal about it and clearer about what he could handle going forward. Daryl was more physical about it, like undressing in front of Rick (a first for them really) and sleeping in the same bed.

Rick hadn’t considered any of that until Abraham shed light on it. Daryl was sending him signals, they were just silent, they were actions, not words and Rick had been all words…and a couple of awkward kisses. But the biggest realization he’d had during his conversation with Abraham was when it had been pointed out that Daryl was more comfortable with what had happened, as in past tense, but was afraid he couldn’t deal with what might happen.

And there in lies their dilemma. Rick was comfortable moving forward, but uncomfortable about what had happened, so he clung to the idea of the future, whereas Daryl clung to the past, using it as a shield so he didn’t have to face the uncertainty of what could go wrong—or even more worrisome, what could go right.

“He’ll come around, trust me,” Abraham had said. “I watch people and I’ve watched him…he’ll come around.”

Rick held onto those words, not knowing what Abraham had seen in Daryl to think that, but knowing Abraham could tell a lot more about people than he’d let on.

“Watch this, count to 100.” Abraham said cryptically then moved across the room, away from Rick.

It took a few seconds for Rick to start counting in his head. One, two, three, he kept looking at Daryl’s back, willing him to turn around, but also willing him not to, eleven, twelve, thirteen, Glenn was smiling, so his chat with Daryl had to be going okay, but then again, Glenn sometimes smiled when he was afraid or nervous, but no, this looked like a genuine smile. Fuck, what number was he at? Twenty eight, twenty nine, Daryl was shifting his weight, Rick tried to tear his eyes away, but he was staring, thirty four, chiding himself for being so silly, Rick finally forced his gaze elsewhere.

Forty, forty one, Judith was asleep in Sasha’s arms, Bob was packing his backpack, Carol and Maggie were looking over a map with that guy Eugene, the one they were trying to get to DC to save the world, fifty seven, fifty eight, and Tyrese had just left the living room to run back up the stairs, they were all preparing to leave within the hour and get on the road again, everyone had had a nice chance to rest for the last several days, but now it was time to press on, seventy five, seventy six, Carl was cleaning his gun, seventy nine and Daryl was turning away from his conversation with Glenn, eighty three, and much to Rick’s surprise, he was heading right toward him. 

Eighty nine. “Ya ready for this?” Daryl asked as he approached, acting totally normal.

Rick didn’t know if he could respond or not. He felt frozen in inadequacy. He cleared his throat, afraid his voice would crack if he spoke without warming it up. Then he looked at the floor, at the worn tips of his cowboy boots. “I’m ready,” Rick finally said, his eyes still scouring the lines of his boots.

Daryl shrugged his crossbow strap higher. “I heard what ya said last night and I’m gonna do better,” he said.

Rick met his gaze. He had said a lot of things last night and he had no idea which one of them Daryl was referring to. “Okay…”

“Not shut ya out,” Daryl said when he realized Rick wasn’t following what he meant.

To be honest, Rick was dumbfounded that Daryl had mentioned anything in a room full of people, not that they were listening, but they were nearby and he was an extremely private person when it came to his feelings. This was one of those signals Abraham had mentioned, Daryl’s actions were speaking louder than his words and right now, he was acting very different than he had in the past.

“No, you’re right, I was pushing you…” Rick said, almost whispering as he admitted this horrible truth.

Daryl smiled, a real, genuine smile that lit up his face. “Ya ain’t so bad. I’m just a dick sometimes, it’s an old habit. Thought ya knew that about me.”

Oh, there were so many things Rick thought he knew about Daryl that had been proven wrong in the last week that he didn’t even know where to start. “We’re good then?” Rick asked.

Daryl nodded just as Abraham walked over to them and smacked Rick on the back of the shoulder, again. “Time to hit the road boys.”

Just as Daryl moved away from them and toward the front door, Abraham leaned in over Rick’s ear. “What number did you get up to?”

“Eighty nine,” Rick said, still unclear as to why he had been counting.

Abraham smirked. “Remember that number,” he said. And with that, he turned and headed out the door behind Daryl and the others, leaving Rick to take up the rear with Michonne who had sidled up to him as they disembarked on their adventure to DC.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You ready for some fun?? hehe

They’d been on the road for three days before it had started raining, causing them to find another house to hold up in. Abraham declared they could only stay one night before having to press on, but Rick and Daryl agreed that they weren’t going anywhere until the weather cleared up.

What started as rain turned into a thunderstorm about an hour after they settled into the house. Much to everyone’s surprise, Daryl immediately claimed one of the small bedrooms for himself…and Rick (though he didn’t actually say the word claimed). The house had four bedrooms, a finished basement with a pull out sofa and an over sized sectional, so most everyone got a decent place to sleep.

Rick and Daryl hadn’t slept near each other while camping in the woods the last few nights, but that was because they had always taken different shifts to keep watch, one often waking the other to switch off. And Rick hadn’t had any nightmares really, though he had been dreaming about very random and bizarre things that involved Daryl—like the one short dream he’d had the night before when he had been trying to win a hand of poker in college with a pair of Jacks and Daryl had delivered a pepperoni pizza then left after Rick’s buddies tipped him with a six pack of beer.

In all honesty, Rick had woken up with a hard on and an excruciating appetite for pizza. The agony of realizing there was no pizza had been harder to deal with than the small herd of walkers they encountered later that afternoon.

Since the first time Abraham had told him to start counting, he’d asked him to do it five more times. Each time he did as instructed, he discovered that Daryl would approach him before he got to 100. In fact, each time this happened, the number Rick got up to decreased. It had gone from eighty nine to seventy one to sixty three to forty seven to thirty eight to twenty two.

Rick understood the exercise by the third time. Whenever someone near Rick wandered away and left him alone, Daryl would seek him out. And the amount of time it took Daryl to approach him grew shorter and shorter.

Abraham had winked at Rick when he divulged this realization, but sighed in defeat when he asked what it meant. _“Means he’s always got his eye on you, always knows where you are and what you’re doing and whenever you’re alone, he hurries to your side.”_

_“But why?”_ Rick had asked, _“He knows I can protect myself.”_

Abraham had sighed again. _“Man, you’re pretty thick skulled sometimes. That boy wants to be around you.”_ When Rick had simply stared at him in response, Abraham finally spelled it out. _“He likes you. You get it now?”_

Oh, Rick wanted to believe him, he wanted Daryl to like him, but he was afraid to embrace that idea in case it was something else—like maybe he was rushing to Rick’s side out of guilt or some sense of responsibility.

Being on the road kept them on their toes and there was no time to investigate what it really meant, but now with the house secure and Michonne and Tara on night watch, there was finally time. Rick stopped by and said goodnight to everyone before slowly moving down to the end of the hall to the small room that Daryl had picked for them. He was nervous about what it meant. Was this their new thing, to always bunk together or was it because Daryl had been thinking about his offer to screw around?

Rick wanted to find out, but then again, he didn’t know if he could handle another night in bed with the object of his desire if things were going to be platonic.

He stood at the closed door for about a minute before grabbing the knob and entering the room. Daryl had lit a couple of candles, just enough light for Rick to make out the full size bed and a small chest of drawers. Daryl was already in the bed with his shirt off. He had the covers pulled halfway up his chest and was fiddling with one of his arrows.

Rick shrugged out of his wet jacket and hung it up in the tiny closet next to Daryl’s. “Think the weather’s going to pass soon?” He asked.

“Naw, we’re gonna be here a few days,” Daryl said as Rick moved to sit on his side of the bed and remove his shoes. “Ya had any nightmares the last few nights?”

Rick tensed. “No…” His laid his wet socks out near his shoes, his feet immediately feeling colder when they hit the chilly air.

“That’s good,” Daryl said as Rick stood up to unbuckle his gun belt and start removing his pants. “It’s gonna be cold tonight, make sure ya strip off all your wet clothes.”

Rick looked over his shoulder at him. “I don’t have dry clothes to put on.”

“Don’t matter,” Daryl said. “Neither do I.”

And that’s when Rick realized Daryl was very likely naked under the covers.

“Any clothes in the room?” Rick asked, though he was hoping the answer was no.

“Naw, this must’ve been a spare room, only a coupl’a old coats in the closet and extra bedding, but no clothes, unless ya interested in a long sleeved dress with flowers on it,” Daryl said. “And the drawers are empty.”

“I’ll pass on the dress,” Rick said, stepping out of his pants knowing full well he was giving Daryl a perfect view of his bare ass. It wasn’t like clean underwear fell off trees these days so Rick had stopped wearing it, though he sorely missed his comfy boxer briefs and vowed he’d find a new, unopened pack one day and covet them forever. He just couldn’t bring himself to wear someone else’s underwear.

When he pulled back the covers to slide in he caught a glimpse of Daryl’s bare hip, confirming he was indeed naked. Anxious, Rick fussed with his pillow for a bit then settled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling fan, willing his body to relax.

“Ya ain’t very chatty tonight,” Daryl commented as leaned out of the bed to blow out the nearby candles.

“Being chatty got me in trouble last time,” Rick said, not meaning for it to sound as bad it as it had come out. It sounded like he was judging Daryl’s previous reaction, but really, he was judging his own aggressiveness.

“I’m in the mood for some trouble tonight, so chat away,” Daryl said and Rick’s heart leapt into a furious rhythm of blood flow and excitement.

Daryl was flirting.

Rick shivered. He was still cold, but the shiver was mostly from the ideas of what could happen that were now floating through his head.

“Ya cold?” Daryl asked, scooting a bit closer.

Rick turned onto his side and faced his friend. “I’m freezing, but before you offer to share body heat, I gotta know where we stand, cause once you get close you’re gonna find out where I stand pretty quick.”

“We’re naked together in a bed,” Daryl said, his voice huskier than usual. “I’d say that’s where we stand.”

“So you’ve considered it?” Rick asked hopefully.

“Ain’t been able to stop considering it.”

Rick’s cock hardened at the honeyed tone of Daryl’s voice.

When neither of them moved, Rick asked, “You gonna come over here or I am gonna go over there?”

“C’mere,” Daryl said and Rick swallowed hard before sliding closer. It seemed Daryl was in charge for the night and Rick was more than happy to give up control.

Now that it was happening, Rick was nervous. This felt different than last time, it wasn’t in the open air bent over a table with who knows who watching, it was just between them, intimate and personal.

Daryl’s warm hand touched his upper arm and slid up over his shoulder. “Shit, ya are cold.” He began rubbing Rick’s skin to warm him up.

Being taken care of was something Rick hadn’t experienced in a long time. He was glad it was dark because tears came to his eyes as he was overcome with emotion. “I’m sorry…” he whispered.

Daryl’s hand stilled against his arm. “Ain’t like ya can help bein’ cold.”

This caused Rick to grin. It was obvious Daryl was in a playful mood and it wasn’t time to talk about feelings or what had happened, it was time to let go and take action, to fully embrace what they’d been edging around for the last week. And while Daryl was warming him up, it was also obvious that Rick was going to have to make the first real move.

So that’s exactly what he did.

A flash of lightening illuminated the room, followed by a long, rolling thunder. Rick scooted even closer until he felt their legs brush up against each other and their breath in each other’s face. The descent of his lips was slow due to feeling out where Daryl’s mouth was in the dark, but once they connected, it seemed like they knew exactly where the other one was.

Rick vaguely wondered if Daryl expected them to kiss, it wasn’t like they needed to in order to fuck around, but Rick needed it like he needed air. His feelings for his friend had grown beyond his ability to control them and he didn’t even care if they did anything other than kiss all night.

But Daryl had other plans than just kissing. With their lips moving together in the awkward dance of finding out how best to kiss each other, Daryl lifted up and moved above Rick, first just leaning over his side but then pushing between his legs to rest fully on top of him.

Feeling Daryl’s hard on against him gave Rick a sense of relief that this was indeed something they both wanted. He felt pleasantly trapped by Daryl’s weight and loved the sensation of being underneath him, though he had plans to pin him down later and have his way with him.

Rick didn’t know what to expect next. Would Daryl fuck him? Or would they just fool around? It didn’t really matter, but the grinding they had started was stimulating Rick to the point of insanity. He needed something, anything more than just that so he took control and rolled them so they were side by side again.

He reached between them and rubbed himself once then grabbed Daryl’s cock. He got a few good strokes in before Daryl returned the favor and fisted him with a tighter and more intense grip than Rick’s own hand was doing.

“Fuck, I’m close,” Daryl said as he pulled his mouth away from Rick’s and pressed their foreheads together. Rick was close too. It seemed the mounting tension between them needed to be expressed—immediately. They were already there and they’d only just started.

Rick increased his hand’s intensity in a way that always worked for himself and sure enough, he felt Daryl tense against him. His own cock throbbed at the feel of Daryl’s cock pulsing in his hand and it pushed him over the edge. He’d always been turned on beyond control when Lori had had an orgasm and being with Daryl was no different.

It hadn’t escaped him that he’d been comparing things between him and Daryl to how things had been with Lori. At first it bugged him, but then he thought it was symbolic of how important they both were to him. He had loved Lori and now he loved Daryl, the man whose breathing was still struggling to catch itself after their first consensual sexual experience.

They stayed in the same position for a long few minutes before Daryl slowly rolled onto his back. Rick immediately missed his warmth and hovered in the same place, unsure what to do. Daryl didn’t seem like a cuddler.

Rick shivered as the sweat on his skin started to cool off. He made a move to shift onto his back.

“C’mere,” Daryl said for a second time that night and Rick decided it was his new favorite thing to hear out of his mouth.

They shuffled around each other until Daryl ended up spooned inside Rick’s arms. “I thought you were going to keep me warm,” Rick joked, though he loved the idea of holding Daryl.

“Ya know when you sleep on your stomach, ya keep your body heat better than when you’re on ya back, so I figured you’d be warmer if I was against your chest,” Daryl explained and it made so much sense that Rick had to wonder how anyone had ever overlooked this magnificent man before the world turned.

“You sleep on your stomach a lot?” Rick asked, moving slightly to adjust the arm he was lying on.

Daryl shifted a little too until they found the right fit. “I used to more when I was a kid, but yeah, when it was cold at the prison I would. I don’t like to when we’re on the road, ‘specially if the ground is cold, then I sleep on my back. And I can get up faster when I’m on my back, makes it easier to kill whatever gets too close.”

“You really are a true survivalist,” Rick mused. “I don’t think we’d have made it this far without you Daryl.”

“Ya would have…maybe not everyone, but ya would have. And Carl and Ass Kicker.”

“You think so?” Rick asked, though he knew Daryl was right. He just wanted to hear why Daryl thought that.

“Yeah, I do…” Daryl said, his voice starting to drift off. “Fuck, I hope it rains all week,” was the last thing he said before Rick heard his breathing deepen and he knew he was asleep.

“Me too,” Rick whispered, letting his eyes close. He also hoped for a good night’s sleep with pleasant dreams and the good grace to sleep in.


	12. Chapter 12

Rick was vaguely aware that he had rolled over and lost whatever heat had been keeping him warm. There was a solid rattle of rain against the house and he opened his eyes long enough to identify that it was still dark, which meant he could go back to sleep.

The missing heat became his focus when he curled his knees up in an attempt to stave off the cold. “Daryl…” Rick murmured softly, hoping he’d suddenly be snuggled up to from behind and all would be well in the world again.

“Hmmph…” was the only response he received so he slid backwards until he made contact with warm skin.

Rick tried to fall back asleep, but the chill had gotten to him so he was awake and uncomfortable now. “Daryl…” he tried again.

“The fuck ya want?” It sounded like his face was planted in a pillow.

You. That’s what Rick wanted to say, but he held back. He was shivering again. “It’s cold.”

The bed jostled as Daryl began to move. Heavy arms surrounded Rick from behind and he felt the press of Daryl’s body mold to him all the way to their feet. “Good?” Daryl sounded asleep.

Rick was still shaking a bit. “Yes.”

And then he felt a kiss pressed between his shoulder blades. “Gotta get ya more iron…you’re like an ice cube.”

“And you’re like a furnace,” Rick said, delighted that Daryl was more awake. Even though they desperately needed rest, he coveted private moments like these where they could just be in the moment. “Is this a thing now? Bunking together.”

“Now ya decide to be chatty,” Daryl grumbled. “Ain’t a thing, just…”

“Just what?” Rick swallowed to wet his dry mouth. He felt Daryl tense behind him.

“Fuck I don’t know, why ya askin’ me?”

“I like it,” Rick said, easing the conversation down a notch.

He felt Daryl relax. “Like what?”

“Bunking together.”

Daryl didn’t say anything for a long minute, but it felt comfortable and Rick knew he was just letting the fact that he said it out loud be okay.

“That Abraham guy likes to hang around ya,” Daryl said, a hint of strain in his voice.

Rick hoped it was jealousy. He didn’t want Daryl to misunderstand and have hurt feelings, but if it accidentally happened and that caused Daryl to realize he could have feelings for him, then he could justify a means to an end.

Rick deliberately waited to answer, knowing how much that had driven him crazy when Lori did it. He stretched a little, pressing his ass against Daryl’s groin. So far he couldn’t feel any excitement back there, but Daryl did grab his hip firmly as if to keep him from moving.

He leaned back to look over his shoulder, causing his lower half to press into Daryl even more. Another deliberate act and apparently well executed based on the reaction.

The hand on his hip tightened. “Ya gonna start somethin’…” Daryl’s voice was husky. It had probably meant to be a strong statement, a warning, but it sounded more like a desperate question.

Rick decided this was his new favorite thing, to be the reason Daryl tipped over the edge into arousal, into pleasure. His friend had gone so long without it, so long without letting himself go that Rick vowed it’d be his new mission—to see that heat in his eyes, feel it between them then embrace it until Daryl found much needed relief.

“Abraham is a good guy, got a bit of a hero complex, but he is trying to save the world so I guess he’s allowed,” Rick said, as if he couldn’t feel the erection he’d caused now resting between them.

“Let him be the hero the world needs then,” Daryl said and Rick read between the lines. He could sense the ghosting of unspoken words, but let me be your hero.

Daryl had been his hero all along. Even back at the farm when he’d gone into the woods alone to find Sophia after Rick had to stop and focus on Carl. He was always a step ahead of him when there was danger, but a step behind him when it was safe, giving everyone the impression Rick was still the leader.

He’d stepped in to be the father figure when Judith was born, immediately running out to get formula. Then he’d kept the entire group safe when Rick had fallen apart, first because of Lori and then when he tended to his vegetable patch and turned his attention to teaching Carl how to be a good man.

Daryl had always been his hero, expect maybe those first few days at the quarry when Rick had to face him and tell him what he’d done to Merle. But even then, when he’d looked into those stormy blue eyes and admitted the horrible truth to him, he had seen Daryl’s potential and knew he was a better man than his asshole brother.

“I ain’t gonna fuck ya so ya better stop wigglin’,” Daryl said, lust still heavy in his voice.

This brought Rick back to the present moment and confused him. “Why not?”

Daryl started to pull away but Rick turned in his arms and followed him, not letting him get away. “Fuck Rick…gimme some space.”

“No.” Rick couldn’t believe he had said no. “What’s wrong?”

“Ya think this is easy? That I can just do that to ya?” The stress in his words was undeniable. He wasn’t talking about the present, he was panicking about the past, what had already happened to them that neither of them could stop.

“No, I don’t think you could just do that,” Rick said, gently reaching up to push some hair out of his eyes. Daryl was shutting down, but Rick was going to reel him back if he could. “You protected me, that’s what you did…you didn’t do it to hurt me, you stepped up when it mattered most.”

“I didn’t protect ya, I failed.” The self-judgment in his voice was heart breaking. “I fuckin’ failed Beth…she’s…they’re probably doing that same shit to her and I’m here bein’ fucking happy and she’s…”

“Shhh, shhh, Daryl…it’s okay,” Rick said, but he had had the same thoughts about Beth and it made his heart constrict every time. To think of what her captors were doing to her, what they wanted her for. They didn’t know, but like Gareth had said, not knowing left the imagination to fill in the blanks so the only way to stop the oppressing anguish was to push it out of his mind. To pretend one of their own was dead and not in the hands of possible monsters.

“No it ain’t!” Daryl shoved at Rick a little, but it was half-hearted, more for show than really trying to push him away. “I’m fuckin’ happy Rick…what the fuck does that say ‘bout me?”

“You deserve to be happy,” Rick said. “Daryl…I’m happy too…with you…”

“Stop. Stop bein’ happy. I’m gonna fail ya, I always fail. Sophia…fuck…Carol…I should’a stopped her or stopped ya or seen it comin’…Hershel…Beth…I can’t…” Daryl was heaving from crying. “And I’m fuckin’ happy cause I fuckin’ got off…”

“Carol is alive and well,” Rick said, knowing the full weight of how losing people could mess with your head. “She’s down the hall, you didn’t fail her.”

“I know but…ya kicked her out, I could’ve stopped ya, she could’ve died…”

“But she didn’t. You taught her how to protect herself, she survived because of you, Daryl. She’s your success story…and because you taught her, she saved Judith, my baby Daryl, my fucking little girl is safe because of you…”

“Tyrese saved her…” Daryl said.

“And Carol saved Tyrese and those girls…don’t deny yourself the truth when it’s starin’ you in the face,” Rick said, wanting so desperately for Daryl to see what the rest of them saw. They’d all be dead by now if it wasn’t for him.

“I’m an asshole for bein’ happy.” Daryl was hell bent on defeating himself and Rick decided to take a new approach.

“Then so am I. I failed too, I’m an asshole too…Shane…Lori…T-Dog…Dale…Andrea…”

“Stop. Ya the farthest thing from a failure…”

“Merle…that’s on me Daryl. All of it. The roof, the prison, watching you walk off with your brother that day nearly brought me to my knees, I needed you, I couldn’t do it without you but I let my fear, my pride stop me from doin’ what was right.” Rick had never told anyone this before, but letting Daryl walk away that day had nearly crushed him. “And I’m fucking happy too. Right here, with you…happiest I’ve been in a long time, probably since you found Carol alive in the tombs or when I first found Lori and Carl, knew they were alive…”

“Stop. You’ve always done ya best, ain’t nothing I wouldn’t have done…” Daryl said and Rick knew his reverse psychology idea had worked.

“I would’ve done everything you did too, Daryl…Beth was safer with you than me…it’s not your fault,” Rick said. “All we have is right now and I want you to be happy whenever you can. I want to be happy. This is all we have and if you’re happy, I’m happy.”

“How can ya be happy with me?” Daryl asked, sounding small again.

“How can I not?” Rick countered. “You’re…amazing…”

“Now I know your head is all fucked up,” Daryl said, but he was lighter, there was teasing in there and Rick reached for it to draw it out even more.

“My head is all fucked up because of you…I can’t stop thinking about you Daryl…about us.”

Daryl shifted a bit closer. “Ya mean ‘bout us fuckin’ again?”

“No. I mean about you.” Rick clarified. “About me and you, together.”

“Same thing,” Daryl said. “Ain’t it?”

Rick let out a soft sigh. It was hard when Daryl couldn’t see his own worth and understand that someone could want him, want to love him for who he was and not what they could use him for. “You gonna hate me if I tell you how I really feel? Cause I’ll tell you.”

“Can’t hate ya,” Daryl said.

“Oh I’m sure you can…” Rick stalled. He wasn’t sure he was ready for this, but it wasn’t for him, it was for Daryl and even if he got punched in the face, at least Daryl would know someone loved him.

“Fine, then I don’t wanna hate ya,” Daryl said. Rick could tell he was nervous, but there was no way he was more nervous that Rick.

“I don’t want you to think this is because of what happened, it’s not, but it may have finally opened my eyes to something that I wasn’t able to see before…” Rick started, edging around it. “I—”

“Ya don’t…” Daryl interrupted him. “Ya can’t…Rick ya were fuckin’ married…”

“You don’t know what I was gonna say,” Rick said, a bit startled that Daryl had stopped him from saying it. “And I was married, but that don’t mean I don’t know what love feels like.”

“Ya like women,” Daryl bit out. “Rick, this thing fucked with ya head and one day you’ll meet some girl and this will just be a memory.” Rick read between the lines again. Daryl was suggesting that one day he’d be just a memory.

“I let Shane suck me off when we were sixteen,” Rick blurted out, immediately wishing he’d kept his mouth shut. Not because he was embarrassed, but because he didn’t want Daryl to feel any sort of competition.

Daryl brought his thumb to his mouth and started chewing on what Rick could only guess what a rogue hangnail. “Ya serious?”

“Yeah, I’m serious.”

“Did'ya like it?” Daryl asked.

“It was my first one, so yeah, I liked it.” Rick said. “Shane was real persuasive, talked me into it and it only happened that once.”

“Merle had this friend, Tommy, he was always hangin’ ‘round when Merle was binging on shit, but the guy never touched the hard shit. First time I ever saw porn it was cause of him…I was fourteen and he was seventeen maybe, eighteen, I dunno really. Anyway, this porn…two guys and a girl. Started off like ya’d think, them getting naked and shit, I don’t know what I expected, but later when I saw other porn I guess I expected them to double team her or some shit…”

Rick listened, snuggling closer as the chill returned to his lanky limbs. Daryl accepted him into his space this time as he spoke.

“But that ain’t what happened. It wasn’t about the girl, one of the guys ended up in the middle…I remember thinking it must be normal…guys must fuck each other as much as they fuck girls but that wasn’t what Merle and his buddies talked about so I was confused. Merle comes in drunk with this girl, nearly beat the shit out of Tommy for showing me somethin’ like that.”

Rick wondered if this one porno was all Daryl had to go on for being gentle with Rick or if he’d had his own experiences with men.

“Merle tried to get that girl to suck me off to show me that guys only fuck girls, but I locked myself in my room and took care of it myself…after that I just saw sex that way, like it didn’t matter if it was a guy or a girl, sex was sex.”

“So you slept with both?” Rick asked.

“Naw…just a few girls…wasn’t like there were a bunch of guys hangin’ ‘round Merle that were interested in guys…not that I’d have fucked anyone like that anyway…just…always wanted to try it, ya know, see what it was like.”

“So I’m you’re first guy?” Rick asked, feeling a sense of pride about that.

“Yeah,” he said.

“How’d you know how to be so gentle then?” Rick asked. “I mean, you seemed like you knew what you were doing and I really enjoyed it.”

Daryl snorted. “Had nothin’ to do with ya being a guy…I was like that because it was you.” Before Rick could process what that meant, Daryl asked him a question he was hoping he’d be asked. “Did’ya return the favor? Ya know, for Shane?”

“No,” Rick said, smiling as he remembered what had happened. “I chickened out. Shane was mad at me for a week. Called me every name in the book and then some. Denise Porter sucked his cock soon after and he thanked me for not doing it, cause he said he didn’t want his first to be me, just that he’d been impatient to get it over with. Lucky me, though, always have Shane as my first blowjob.”

Daryl chuckled. “That fucker.”

“Yeah…I guess I was impatient too, that’s why I let him. I closed my eyes and tried to think about some hot girls at school but in the end, I just let it be Shane and that was enough,” Rick said. “I never counted it as hooking up with a guy though, just that experimental phase…forgot all about it really until now…”

“Look, Rick, I know ya think ya…want this or somethin’…but what if ya don’t? What if it’s just another phase?” Daryl couldn’t seem to get what Rick was saying.

“I don’t want this,” Rick said. “I want you. That’s how I know it’s not a phase. With Shane, I wanted it, not him and even if we never have sex again, I still want you.” He held off on saying he loved him in worry it was too soon and it would only cause Daryl to push him away.

“So…yeah, I guess us bunkin’ together is a thing now…” Daryl said, answering Rick’s question from when they first woke up. Rick grinned and wondered if all their conversations were going to be like this. All in all, he didn’t mind, they always ended up full circle somehow.

“You still hard?” Rick asked as he moved his hand under the covers toward Daryl’s groin.

“Yeah…why? Ya gonna do somethin’ ‘bout it?” Daryl asked, the tease fully back in place.

“I might,” Rick said, his hand finding what it was looking for. He stroked Daryl’s half-hard cock a few times, delighted when it grew in his hand. He also stole a kiss and then two and then just decided to plant his open mouth on Daryl’s and let their tongues fight it out. Daryl was a surprisingly good kisser.

Rick maneuvered them so he was hovering above Daryl, still kissing until he broke away to whisper in his ear, “I’m not chicken anymore.”

“Fuck, ya kiddin’ me?”

Rick answered by sliding down Daryl’s body and trailing kisses along the way.


	13. Chapter 13

It probably wasn’t appropriate timing, but Rick couldn’t stop remembering the feel of Daryl in his mouth. Carl was trying to talk to him about their plans, about Judith, about needing supplies and all Rick could do was sit on the sofa and pretend to listen while replaying the way Daryl’s fingers had threaded through his hair, urging him, begging him for more.

“Maggie said they’d be back this afternoon,” Carl said and Rick finally focused on the conversation.

“She’s gone?” Rick said.

“Dad, seriously, I just told you they went to look for supplies in nearby houses.”

“Oh,” Rick said. He really hadn’t heard a damn thing Carl had said. “Who went?”

Carl’s eyes narrowed as if he had been disgraced by the idiocy of his father. “Maggie, Glenn, Tara and Abraham.”

It was still raining, but Rick assumed they braved the elements because their food supply was non-existent. That and the house had been emptied of all useful clothing, not just the spare room he and Daryl were sharing. Daryl…the way his breathing had gone shallow when Rick swallowed him whole.

“What’s wrong with you?” Carl snapped, throwing a stray couch pillow at him.

“He’s tired,” Michonne said from the other side of the room. “Right, Rick?”

“Uh…yeah, I’m overtired, too much sleep,” Rick said, though that wasn’t the truth. He was lost in a daydream, a memory and there was no way he could turn it off.

“Fine, whatever.” Carl rolled his eyes and stomped up the stairs, leaving Rick alone with Michonne.

“You want to tell me what’s going on?” She asked.

Rick looked at her for a long moment, thinking about what to say.

“The truth,” she amended. “You’re out of it, are you sick?”

“No, I’m fine,” Rick said, not wanting her to worry. “I just…got a lot on my mind.”

She moved across the room to sit in the overstuffed armchair near the sofa. “I know something happened at Terminus and I’m not one to push anyone to talk before they’re ready, but whatever it is, know that I’d understand.” She lowered her voice as others were milling about in neighboring rooms.

Rick scrubbed at his beard and nodded. “Yeah, something happened…”

“Daryl too?” She asked.

“Yeah…” Rick confirmed. He had no idea what she thought may have happened, but he doubted she’d be able to correctly guess they’d been forced to have sex with each other.

“I’ve seen it in both of you,” she said. “But you’re the one that looks most affected by it.”

This made Rick’s chest tighten. Did that mean he was the only one with feelings, real feelings? Was Daryl coping better? Maybe he was just better at hiding it.

“Rick,” she said, catching his attention as he drifted back to thoughts of Daryl again. “Why were you naked when you came back to get us?”

His heart started pounding furiously. He had confided in Abraham, but that was because the other man had already figured it out and Rick didn’t have a friendship with him yet, but Michonne was different. They trusted each other, they’d been through so much that this could change their friendship, could change the dynamics between her and Daryl.

“They were gonna eat us,” Rick said.

She tilted her head slightly. “I know that’s not true. After they took you away, they came back for Daryl and said they needed him to teach you a lesson.”

The hair on Rick’s neck sprung up. He didn’t know about this, had the others heard this too? “They wanted to negotiate,” he said. “Said they’d only take six of us in and they wanted the strongest, you, Daryl, Abraham…me…said I could keep Carl even though he was a liability, if I did what they wanted.”

Michonne was quiet, as if she were letting it all sink in. “What’d they want you to do?”

Rick looked at away, his eyes darting to the stairs that led to the room he and Daryl shared, knowing it would be wrong to tell her, not for his sake, but for Daryl’s.

“Rick…”

He lowered his eyes and looked at his hands in his lap. They were starting to show his age and all he could think was that he could use them to end a life or to bring Daryl into pure ecstasy. “They threatened him, put a gun to my head and he did whatever they said. He protected me.”

“They made him hurt you?” She whispered, but he could tell it wasn’t out of trying to be quiet, but out of anger.

Rick nodded. “He’s struggling with it and I’m struggling with him being upset about it. He did what he had to do and I…love him for it.” Rick let the words escape his mouth, thinking Michonne wouldn’t read into them too much.

“Of all the people he had to hurt…” she said. “Rick, I don’t know if you know this, he hasn’t told me but I would notice things when we were at the prison…I think he has feelings for you.”

Time suddenly came to a halt, the world stopped spinning and Rick had to restart his breathing manually because everything froze at her words. 

“I’m only telling you because it may be adding to whatever he had to do to you,” she said.

“Why are you telling me this?” Rick’s words barely ghosted across his tongue. He needed to know if she suspected their relationship or if she was just being a concerned friend.

“Because you take care of what’s yours above all else, Carl…Judith, but I’m not sure you realize how that leaves him out.”

“He’s my brother, my family,” Rick said in defense.

“I don’t think he wants to be your brother,” Michonne said.

Rick gave her a half-hearted nod in agreement, but didn’t know what to say. On one hand, he was overcome with joy that she had noticed Daryl might have feelings for him, but on the other hand he wasn’t sure if he could tell her what was really going on just yet.

“You don’t seem surprised,” she added when Rick said nothing.

He glanced back at the stairs. “Everything about this surprises me these days.”

“Don’t hurt him.”

Rick met her eyes and saw the loyalty in them, her loyalty to the group, to him, to Daryl. It wasn’t a threat, just a simple request to keep her friend’s heart safe. “I won’t.”

A bit later, he found Carol in their room, rooting through the closet while Judith sat on the floor playing with an empty shoebox.

“Daryl’s in the shower,” she said when she poked her head out of the closet she was kneeling at.

Rick didn’t need another reminder of Daryl’s naked body, but yet there it was, fresh in his mind again. “Find anything useful?” He asked, trying to stay present.

“They must have left early on, they only took things you’d take on a vacation, like clothes and toiletries but left a lot of long term survival stuff behind,” she said, holding up a flashlight as evidence. “Lucked out in the bathroom too, they left a bottle of rubbing alcohol, hydrogen peroxide and enough Band-Aids to last us a good while.”

“Carol…about what happened…” Rick started, knowing he needed to make peace with her. He wasn’t mad or afraid of her anymore, but he knew it’d be best to clear the air so she knew. “I made that decision in fear and it wasn’t mine to make.”

“I know,” she said. “I won’t say I agreed with you when you did it, but I understand and I forgive you, even if you never forgive me.”

“I ripped a man’s throat out with my teeth,” Rick said and Carol’s eyes widened. “It was this group of men that had come across Daryl, he stayed with them to survive, but then they went after me…Michonne…Carl. Even Daryl, they turned on him. One of them had Carl pinned down and when I heard the asshole’s belt buckle open something inside me snapped and I, uh, even though there was a gun to my head and to Michonne’s and they were beating the shit out of Daryl, I fought back. There’s nothing I wouldn’t have done to keep them safe.”

“Did Carl...?” Carol said and Rick knew what she was asking.

“No, they didn’t get that far…” Rick said. “My point is, after that, I understood why you did what did and there’s nothing to forgive. I’m glad you’re back, Carol, and not just because of Judith, but because of you, because I trust you and I’m sorry.”

“I told Tyrese,” she said. “After Lizzie killed Mika, we didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know what to do, but I also knew exactly what to do. It was different than Karen and David. Lizzie was alive and healthy but I feared what she could do to Judith, to me, to Tyrese, to any of us. That’s when I knew how you had felt when you found out what I’d done. I get it, Rick, trust me, I loved her so much and I couldn’t let her stay. This world is different and no matter how much we hold onto the past, it’ll never be like it was, we’ll never be like we were.”

“We’re good then?” he asked and she stood up and hugged him.

“We’re good.”

They’d been hugging for what seemed like an eternity when Daryl came in, his hair wet. He was wearing his dirty clothes, but his feet were bare and it made Rick want to shove Carol out the door and wrestle him to the ground for some late morning fun.

Daryl scooped Judith up in his arms, pretending to bite at her when she squirmed to get free. “Ya playin’ with a silly ole box?” He swung her up into the air and she giggled.

Carol stepped away from Rick and went back to the searching the contents at the bottom of the closet. “She likes the box,” Carol said.

Daryl pouted. “We gotta find her some real toys.”

Carol laughed. “You volunteering to carry the toy bag?”

“Yeah,” he said and Rick smiled.

“And the diaper bag and her food and—“

“I said yeah,” Daryl cut her off. “Whatever she needs.”

“I can start carrying her,” Rick said to Carol, knowing he hadn’t been pulling his weight with her since they reunited. He hadn’t been pulling his weight at all and that needed to change, immediately.

“Better to take turns, she gets heavy,” Carol said. “Tyrese and I figured out a way to carry her on our backs pretty easy, but if everyone carries her an hour a day, we’ll all save ourselves some pain.”

Rick tried to imagine Judith strapped to Eugene’s or Abraham’s backs, but it just seemed awkward. “Thank you, Carol, for stepping up with her.”

Judith squealed as Daryl plopped her back to the floor and she grabbed at her prized shoebox. “I agree, we need to take turns with her, it’s only fair,” Daryl said.

“You can’t carry her with your crossbow,” Rick said.

Daryl shrugged. “I’ll figure it out. Can get one of those things to carry her on my chest.”

“That’s not a bad idea,” Carol said. “We should probably have options in case some people do better with her on their chest than their back. I can make a sling for now, but we’ll put it on the list of things to look for.”

“If you need a break, we can take her for the afternoon,” Rick said, aware that he was speaking for both of them as if they were a couple.

“She’s going down for a nap soon, but after that she’s all yours if you want,” Carol said with a smile.

“Yeah, we’ll take her,” Daryl said before Rick could respond and something about his eagerness made his heart do cartwheels.

Rick wasn’t a solo act, he came with two kids and the role of being a leader, so it felt good to know that Daryl was willing to accept everything that came with him. Knowing this only strengthened Rick’s commitment to fully accept Daryl as well, to somehow let him know he was not just part of the family, he was Rick’s everything.


	14. Chapter 14

They’d found one car, a five seater, not enough to fit the fifteen of them, but it was a start. Daryl had volunteered to take the car out the next day to look for gas and another car, perhaps a minivan even, so Rick immediately agreed to go with him—wasn’t like Daryl could drive two cars back on his own anyway.

Glenn wanted to go, but Rick told him to rest up and enjoy the day with his wife. After taking an entire day to enjoy being with Daryl, he figured he owed everyone the same holiday. That meant Abraham got the day with Rosita and even though Sasha hadn’t made up her mind yet, Bob got the day to woo her if he could.

They debated on taking Carl, but in the end, the answer had been no. He didn’t know how to drive yet and while they needed to teach him, they didn’t feel like dealing with it in the rain just yet. They weren’t sure if Tara was up to the task, she’d been sniffling a bit and they were worried she was getting a cold. Carol, Michonne and Tyrese would hold down the fort while watching Judith so that only left one option.

“Rick an’ I will be fine on our own,” Daryl said when Abraham tried to send Eugene with them.

“Sure you would be, but if you find two cars, you’ll need two drivers,” Abraham said, pushing his point.

“So when we send him back in a car on his own and somethin’ happens and he’s alone, you gonna be fine with that?” Daryl shot back.

Abraham sighed. “Shit, I didn’t think of that.”

“Yeah, we’ve been surrounded in cars before, that shit ain’t pretty. He’s the one we’re protecting right? I think he’s safer here than with us,” Daryl said.

“Then take someone else, three’s still better than two,” Abraham relented.

Daryl threw Rick a look, silently asking him to step in so he did. “Daryl and I will go alone, the rest of you stay put and rest. “If we find a third car, we’ll go back for it.”

Abraham snorted. “And waste gas?”

“No…we’ll only go north toward to DC to look, that way we can pick it up on our way,” Rick said, hoping Abraham wouldn’t question him about not having enough seats in two cars to get to the third one. Rick would figure it out somehow. He was just trying to back up Daryl’s insistence at them going alone. “That way we’ll save gas by not bringing it back here.”

Apparently, that idea worked because Rick and Daryl were in the car and driving away from the house twenty minutes later.

“When ya think they’re gonna notice that we only spend time with each other these days?” Daryl asked as they turned onto another country road and headed north.

“We didn’t spend last night together,” Rick said, still disappointed that they’d had to split night watch and thus each spent half the night alone in bed or propped up near the doors and windows downstairs keeping an eye out for trouble.

“That’s why I wanted it to be just us today,” Daryl said, weaving the car around an abandoned pick-up truck. Rick couldn’t get over how direct and flirty Daryl could be when he wanted to.

He parked the car in front of the truck and killed the engine. It was likely the truck was out of gas, but they had to check, just in case it had been abandoned for a different reason. They made quick work of checking the tank and managed to get two gallons and a half empty pack of cigarettes before heading off again. Unfortunately, the truck was in no condition to be part of their convoy.

Daryl lit one of the newly found smokes as he drove and cracked the window. “Does it bother ya that I smoke?”

Rick wasn’t sure if he was asking in general or because he was smoking right then or if it was because they’d taken up the habit of slamming their mouths together every chance they got.

“Does it bother you that I have a cranky teenager and a baby?” Rick replied.

Daryl grinned after blowing out a deep exhale of smoke. “Ya’ve always been a package deal, ain’t a bother. Just thinkin’ the smoke might drive ya crazy.”

“You mean now that we make out 22 hours a day?” Rick teased, because Daryl had smoked since before they met and Rick had never said anything about it.

“Fuck, we ain’t that bad, are we?” Daryl took another drag.

“We’re pretty bad,” Rick chuckled, noticing a house on the horizon—and another on the other side. By the looks of it they were approaching a small town. “As long as you don’t blow it in my face, we’re okay. Kinda like the taste on you, actually.”

“Figures you’d have a fetish,” Daryl said as he slowed down so they could scope out the two houses.

“This one has a car,” Rick said. “I wonder if they searched these houses yesterday when they went out.”

“Naw, Maggie said they went south, so they haven’t been here. Let’s check ‘em out.”

The battery in the car was dead and they didn’t have jumper cables, so they drained the gas tank and filled up their own. Daryl found a handy map of the county in the glove compartment. They were only supposed to be scavenging for cars, but when Rick saw the play set in the backyard, they broke into the house in search of stuff for Judith.

The house was dusty and seemed as if its owners had just evaporated into thin air because there were clothes in the drawers, food in the cabinets and nothing seemed out of place.

“Maybe they were away when it happened and haven’t been able to come back,” Daryl said as Rick started bagging up the canned goods. The kids that had lived there had been older than Judith, so Daryl grabbed a small stuffed penguin and a Rubik’s Cube.

“Is that for Carl?” Rick pointed at the cube.

Daryl snorted. “Eugene. Maybe it’ll shut him up.” He tossed it into the bag on top of the cans, along with the penguin.

“You know, we’re all alone…” Rick said, eyeing the hallway that led back to the bedrooms.

“We haven’t even been gone an hour,” Daryl said, sliding his crossbow around to his back. “Shouldn’t we get more stuff done before we dick around?”

“We’re clean now…might be dirty later,” Rick said, stepping into Daryl’s space and putting his hands on his hips to pull them together. He leaned in and stole a kiss.

“What, ya ain’t got a dirty fetish too?” Daryl teased when their lips parted.

Rick pushed at him, trying to get him to move backwards into the living room where there was a sofa—he didn’t think he could make it to a bed. But Daryl pushed back with a force that had Rick’s head swimming. Before he could get a handle on what was happening, he was pinned against the kitchen counter and Daryl was unbuckling Rick’s belt.

“Keep watch,” Daryl said, his voice huskier than Rick had ever heard. And then he was on his knees and Rick struggled to keep standing. The mouth around his cock was so warm, so amazing that he had to mentally pull himself back from sliding over the edge of pleasure. He willed himself to calm down, to relax and enjoy it, but holy shit, Daryl was giving him the blow job of his life.

He put his hands in Daryl’s hair, tugging on his long locks, gently at first then giving into a harder grip. Daryl hadn’t reciprocated the night before when Rick had sucked him off, they’d fallen back asleep soon after the experience and so this was the first time he’d had his mouth around him. It was proving to be unforgettable.

Daryl was still fully dressed, crossbow strapped to his back and knife sheathed on his belt, but he was devouring Rick’s cock. Rick was sure he’d never seen a hotter sight than this. He also loved how Daryl had taken control, dominated him, commanded him to do as he pleased. He hoped to return the favor soon, not just the blowjob, but the feeling of having someone want you so intensely that they evoked it from you.

And then Rick was coming. It surged upon him so fast he felt blindsided. And Daryl took it all, gazing up at him with a lick of his lips as he swallowed. Rick practically fell against him when he stood up. Daryl braced him between his body and the counter while he tucked Rick back into his pants and zipped him up.

“Only one at a time out here,” Daryl said, biting at Rick’s bearded jaw. “I ain’t losin’ ya cause we both got our pants down.”

Rick was still boneless and need to sit down to catch his sanity and his breath. “I’m gonna need a minute.”

Daryl smirked. “Take ya time, I’ll get the rest of the stuff together.” He only moved away when it was obvious Rick was stable on his feet and had his body back under control.

Rick took a seat at the small kitchen table and slowly regained his ability to process reality. He watched as Daryl finished packing up the canned goods and moved into a few other rooms to gather more things they might need. All in all, even if they didn’t find another car that day, they felt good about what they’d be able to bring back to their family.


	15. Chapter 15

They had only found one car, but Rick wasn’t concerned as it gave them more time at the house they had holed up in—more time in the spare bedroom. They had found jumper cables and extra empty gas cans which they were able to fill a couple. But after the blowjob, Daryl had kept him at arm’s length the rest of the day, much to Rick’s frustration.

Rick wanted to return the favor, to bring Daryl to the point of insanity and pleasure, but all of his advances were brushed off with a nonchalant, “‘m fine.”

Daryl was fine? How did that even make sense? Men only said “no thanks” or “I’m all good, I’m fine” to the offer of a blowjob when they weren’t interested in the person. Rick knew better than to start down that slippery slope of doubt, Daryl had made it clear that he was going to be the voice of reason for them when they were out alone and that they weren’t going to be stripping, sucking and fucking every chance they got, but still, what if it was more than just Daryl being cautious in an unsafe world?

At first, Abraham had huffed that he and Rosita would be going out the next day to find a third car, saying he’d get the job done and not prance about like he accused Rick and Daryl of doing. But when he’d seen the haul of food and supplies they had with them, his tone softened and the look of respect he had for them was back, gleaming in his eyes. He was especially grateful for the Rubik’s Cube that Eugene immediately took to, hunkering down in an oversized chair in the living room, turning the cube in his hands quietly.

Rick was anxious for the house to settle down so he and Daryl could be alone in their room, needing reassurance that all was well between them. He hadn’t felt this insecure since…well ever actually. He remembered feeling nervous when he first asked Lori out, but not insecure. He was prepared for her to say no, he’d live, but with Daryl, he felt like he could lose everything in a heartbeat and not just their lives, but his friend’s attention and agreement to their arrangement.

Ah, and that was what was really bothering Rick—it was an arrangement. The feelings he had for Daryl were built for the long haul, love and romance and all that gooey stuff that made people gag, but he had no idea if the feelings were mutual. For all he knew, Daryl was just riding the high of finally getting to live out his fantasy of having a sexual experience with a man.

Unfortunately, Sasha had found a deck of cards and most of the group meandered into the living room to play a few rounds of poker. Rick opted out, hovering in the doorframe trying to catch Daryl’s eyes and signal that they should go upstairs. But Daryl was laughing and having a good time with the others, he even won two hands in row and claimed the pot of Hershey’s Kisses they’d found that afternoon and distributed to the others as a treat.

When Daryl finally did meet his eyes, Rick was so impatient that he could only imagine how unpleasant he must have looked. Daryl’s expression changed from relaxed and content to instant concern as he stood up and excused himself, leaving his pile of Kisses behind. Rick turned and headed up the stairs, hearing his footsteps behind him. He continued to their room, afraid to face him before they were behind closed doors, not because he was afraid of Daryl, but because he was afraid he’d have some sort of breakdown.

“Rick?” Daryl called to him gently as he closed the door behind him. “What’s goin’ on?”

Rick pressed his lips together to keep from blurting out a barrage of craziness. He couldn’t show Daryl how messed up he was over something so silly, but he was a wreck from the thoughts swirling around in his mind. He made quick work of lighting the candles on the dresser, illuminating the room. He felt a hand rest on his shoulder, but he refused to turn around.

“Rick…ya mad at me? Did I do somethin’ wrong?” Daryl asked, thoughtfulness and a twinge of fear corrupting his voice.

Rick forced himself to breathe and looked at the hand on his shoulder before turning to address him. “You know you can tell me if you don’t want this…”

A flash of confusion crossed Daryl’s face. “This? Ya mean the conversation or—“

“Me. I mean me. It’s okay if you don’t want me, just tell me. I can handle it,” Rick blurted out, kicking himself for sounding so callous and defensive. This wasn’t what he wanted to say, he wanted to confide in him that he was feeling insecure and rejected and be reassured, but instead he was pushing him away and acting like an asshole.

The hand dropped from his shoulder. Rick felt defeated. Of course Daryl would retreat, wouldn’t anyone who was being attacked suddenly and had no idea why?

“This about today?” Daryl asked, bringing his hand to his mouth where he started chewing on his cuticles. “Cause ya didn’t like it…”

Now Rick was confused. Of course he didn’t like being rejected all day, but then another meaning struck a chord. “I liked it…a lot. This ain’t about that.”

“Then what’s it about?” Daryl was sinking into himself, his shoulders curving as he brought his arms to his chest, as if protecting himself.

Here Rick had been wanting to be reassured and he’d botched it up so badly that he’d trampled all over Daryl and now he needed to be reassured.

Rick ran his hand down his face as he gathered his thoughts, angry with himself and yet still a nervous basket case. “I wanted to return the favor,” he started, pausing to make sure it sounded like what he wanted to say. “I wanted to make you feel good, like you did for me, but you…”—he hated sounding so weak—“you kept saying no and I wanted you to say yes and I think it means something that you said no.”

“What do ya think it means?” Daryl asked, sounding more open, more inquisitive than defensive.

Rick looked around the room, anywhere but at Daryl. He couldn’t say what he wanted to say without admitting what he really wanted. “That you don’t want me.”

“Why would ya think that? Ya think I wanted to say no?” Daryl asked.

Rick nodded, his throat tight as it resisted swallowing the saliva that had built up in his mouth.

Daryl laughed once, causing Rick to look directly at him. “Fuck, ya lost your damn mind for real this time. I only said no cause after I saw how doped up ya were after what I did to ya that I didn’t want to drop my guard out there and get us killed. I fuckin’ grumbled ‘bout it all day in my head, pissed that I couldn’t relax long enough to let ya do that.”

“You did?” Rick felt weightless. The heaviness lifted with each word that came out of Daryl’s mouth and he realized how irrational and foolish he’d been.

This time it was Daryl that nodded.

“But, I could have protected you while you…were doped up,” Rick said, a bit sheepish.

“Ain’t the point,” Daryl said. “I know ya would protect me, just…I protect ya and that’s what works for me, makes me feel, I don’t know, useful.”

“Special? Does it make you feel special?” Rick asked, stepping closer.

Daryl shrugged. “I don’t know, just makes me feel like I’m doing right by ya, ya know?”

“You’ve always done right by me,” Rick said, feeling a bit disappointed because that didn’t mean Daryl was doing it out of affection, but some personal need to be a good guy. “So thank you.”

“Ya know I ain’t good at this shit, right?” Daryl said suddenly. “I ain’t never had somethin’ like this before, never had to figure out what to do or what to say, I just…ain’t good at it. So ya gotta tell me what ya want, cause I don’t have a fuckin’ clue what I’m doing.”

“I want you,” Rick said, easily reiterating what he’d said a few nights ago. The next part was harder. “I want you to want me…as much as I want you.” Daryl didn’t seem put off by that, so Rick continued. “I want to know what you want.”

Daryl shifted his weight from one foot to the other then sighed and sat on the end of the bed. He started wringing his hands and Rick’s heart thudded in the silence. Fuck, he’d either shut Daryl down completely or he wasn’t going to like the answer.

“If I tell ya…” Daryl started, not looking up at him, “ya might not like it.”

An invisible vice grabbed hold of Rick’s chest and began tightening. He nodded even though he wanted to run screaming from the room and said, “I asked so…I want to know, even if I won’t like it.”

“I got these feelin’s Rick…” Daryl glanced up at him, his eyes mixed with fear and joy. “I just…this ain’t just about sex for me.”  
The vice loosened a bit as he tried to process what that meant.

“Okay…so what’s it about then?” He was still terrified to hear the truth, but at this point, there was no going back, he needed to know if it was over or not—if they were over or not.

Daryl ran a hand through his hair and started to fidget. He seemed to be having some sort of internal debate until he finally stood up and faced Rick, connecting their eyes in a way that had yet to happen since they entered the room.

“I can’t lose ya…it’s not an option and it’s not cause you’re part of the group, shit I could lose all of ‘em and still have ya and be okay and I know that makes me a horrible person but it’s cause you’re the only thing that matters to me. And when ya freak out like this I think I’m gonna lose ya and when ya think I’d let ya go, I fuckin’ go crazy cause I don’t understand how ya could think I’d do that. This is the sorta shit that I ain’t got any practice with, I ain’t ever felt like this before ‘bout anyone and it’s like my fuckin’ heart is always doin’ shit it ain’t ever done before. I keep feelin’ like I’m gonna die without ya and you’re right fuckin’ next to me. I miss ya when you’re down the hall with your kids. I think ‘bout kissin’ ya all the time, not to mention all the other shit I wanna do to ya and I think you’re gonna realize ya can do better than me and leave me and if ya leave me I’ll die and that ain’t me, I don’t just curl up and die over shit like this so what do I want…I want to know what the fuck is happening to me and I want ya to tell me I’m not fuckin’ crazy or hell, if I am crazy, tell me I’m crazy and put me out of my misery, but don’t think I’m ever gonna put ya at risk for sex, ya deserve better than that and I want to give ya better and I don’t know how.”

Rick couldn’t believe the disjointed and brutal honesty that fell from Daryl’s lips. The world would be a better place if people always spoke so openly about how they felt because it wasn’t always wrapped up with a neat little bow and it wasn’t always coherent or logical and Daryl was more perfect than Rick could ever dare to be, because he was just being human and expressing how he felt.

And Rick felt tears come to his eyes because he knew how Daryl felt, even if Daryl didn’t, because he had just described love. Daryl loved him, whether he knew it or not, he loved him.

“You’re not crazy,” Rick whispered, opening his arms as he moved into Daryl’s personal space. “You’re perfect.”

It took a moment for Daryl to return the hug, but when he did, they held onto each other longer than they ever had before. And when they finally broke apart, Rick cupped his face and spoke. “I love you, I’m in love with you and what you described is love.” He felt Daryl try to shake his head, but not in resistance or disagreement, but in refusal to believe he could be loved. “I know it’s love because that’s the way I feel. Everything you said is exactly what I feel for you.”

“It’s not…” Daryl sniffled.

Rick smiled and kissed him softly on the lips, just a lingering peck of sweetness. “You might not believe me and that’s okay, but I promise you, I’m gonna spend the rest of my life showing you how I feel until it sinks into that thick head of yours and settles into your heart. I love you Daryl.”

“The rest of your life…” Daryl repeated, sounding unsure. “What does that mean?”

Rick ran his thumbs across Daryl’s eyebrows. “That means you’re stuck with me…if you’ll have me.”

Daryl nodded in Rick’s hands. “I don’t mind be stuck with ya.”

“Well, I’ll take that as a yes then,” Rick said, chuckling a bit.

“Yes to what?” Daryl asked again, obviously the one that really needed reassurance. “What are you asking me?”

Daryl’s confusion was cute and endearing. It made Rick feel like no one been where he had been inside of Daryl’s heart. “I’m asking you to be my partner. Be in a relationship with me, be my…”—was the word boyfriend adequate?

“Ain’t never been anyone’s boyfriend before…” Daryl mused and Rick supposed the word would suffice after all.

“And to think, I came up here thinking you were ready to kick me to the curb,” Rick said, grinning.

Daryl huffed in amusement. “When I saw ya downstairs, I thought ya was mad at me for today.”

“Mad at you for what?” Rick asked.

“Ya know…” Daryl shied away, moving out of his arms and back to the end of the bed where he sat down and started removing his shoes.

“No, I don’t know, care to enlighten me?”

“For that.”

“You mean when you...in the kitchen?” Rick probed, feeling his cock stir in his pants at the memory.

“Yeah, that,” Daryl said.

“You thought I’d be mad at you for the most pleasurable experience I’ve ever had?” Rick was almost giddy that this was what was bothering Daryl.

“Yeah…cause I didn’t ask ya and I was rough with ya,” Daryl said, lining his shoes up next to each other before pulling at his socks.

Rick sat next to him, already barefoot from taking his shoes off earlier in the evening. “I liked that you were rough, please feel free to do it again whenever you want,” Rick said. “Why did you think I wouldn’t like that?”

Daryl met his eyes with a frown. “Cause of what happened…at Terminus. I don’t want ya thinkin’ I’m going make ya do shit ya don’t wanna do.”

Ah, Rick understood now. He took one of Daryl’s hands. “If it involves you getting off or me getting off, just consider it something I want to do.”

Daryl snorted so loud that they both erupted into laughter. “Ya really are a fuckin’ perv.”

“Having a sexual appetite hardly makes me a perv!” Rick reached over and tickled Daryl’s side.

“Yappin’ ‘bout it all the time is what makes ya a damn perv,” Daryl said, leaning away from the offending and relentless fingers.

“So if I say I want to return the favor—right now,” Rick said, raising his eyebrows suggestively, “you would say I’m a perv for talking about it?”

Daryl side eyed him as if he wasn’t sure if he was serious or not. “Now? Everyone’s still up,” he said, his voice already dropping into that husky whisper that Rick had grown to love.

“So?” Rick countered. “Is that a yes?”

Daryl rolled his eyes. “You really wanna suck me off that bad, fuckin’ go for it.”

“You really know how to sweet talk a guy,” Rick said, laughing. “But you’re right, it can wait until later.” He got up and headed for the door, counting how many steps he got before Daryl had grabbed him. Three whole feet. Daryl had amazing reaction time.

“Now is good,” Daryl said, reaching around him to lock the door. Rick laughed and let himself be pulled back to the bed.


	16. Chapter 16

It was still early, so the idea of them screwing around while their family was downstairs reminded Rick of being in high school when they’d all try to make out with their girlfriends while her parents were in the house. The thrill of being caught only added to their hormonal intoxication. But Daryl was way better than any high school girlfriend and they wouldn’t be in trouble as much as they’d be faced with a variety of shocked expressions and unexpected high fives.

He did vaguely wonder about Carol though, she’d shown interest in Daryl before and he’d hate for her to find out by catching them together. And Carl, was he ready to know his dad was having sex with a man—Daryl for that matter? He imagined the rest of them would find their peace with it one way or another and suddenly, as Daryl was pulling his shirt over his head, Rick realized that he wanted them to know about their relationship.

“Fuck Rick…” Daryl murmured as their lips parted between kisses. “Forget sucking me off, I want more…”

It took a second for him to register what he meant and then it clicked. “You can. I want it too.”

Daryl closed his eyes with a soft moan. “Ya sure? Cause we ain’t gotta do it if ya ain’t ready.”

“I’ve been ready…” Rick placed a peck on his lips.

Daryl’s eyes opened, gazing into Rick’s. “What if we…ya know…tried somethin’ different.”

“Thought that’s what we were talking about,” Rick said, now confused.

“Naw, I mean…if ya…ya know…”

Rick shook his head. “If I what?”

“Fuck Rick, ya gonna make me say it?” Daryl huffed.

Rick chuckled. “I’m lost so yes, you’re gonna have to tell me what you mean, because I’m thinking we’re gonna have sex. What are you thinking?”

“Same,” Daryl said quickly then pressed his lips in a tight line.

“Okay then…”

“But different.” Daryl added, his eyes darker than normal. 

They stared at each other, the silence thick between them as Rick tried to figure out what he meant. Sex, but different? And then it hit him. Oh! Daryl wanted Rick to fuck _him_!

“Really?” Rick was sure he sounded shocked. He just never imagined Daryl would want it that way.

Daryl’s face shifted to look uncomfortable. “Why not? Not like we got to pick last time.”

“What if I hurt you?” Rick asked, knowing that when he’d tried it with Lori early on in their marriage she all but banished him from their bedroom for a week after he failed to prep her properly.

“Did I hurt ya?” Daryl countered.

“No…”

“Then don’t worry ‘bout it,” Daryl said. “It ain’t that hard if ya take time.”

The memory of Daryl’s fingers inside him sent a shiver through his body. “You’ll show me how?”

Daryl nodded. “Grab my bag.”

Rick slid off of him and off the bed, reaching for Daryl’s newest travel bag that he’d picked up along the way. He tossed it onto the bed and Daryl began rooting through it while Rick unbuckled his belt and took his pants off. His shirt was next.

Daryl’s hand came out with a small bottle in it. “Picked this up today,” he said.

“You found lube today?” Rick was impressed. “Where?”

“The house where we fucked around…” Daryl said, dropping his bag off the side of the bed and reaching for his own belt.

“That house? With the Rubik’s Cube and the play set?”

“Hell yeah, I checked the bedroom while ya was spaced out in the kitchen.” Daryl’s pants slid down his thighs and soon hit the floor. “It’s a full bottle too.”

Rick smirked. He assumed that meant Daryl was expecting them to have sex more often. Kneeling on the bed, he moved over Daryl and pushed his legs apart. It seemed a bit strange to settle between his legs, but it felt intensely intimate and only increased Rick’s arousal. They felt like lovers, real lovers.

Daryl grabbed Rick’s hips and pulled his full weight onto him. Rick inched back, to alleviate some of his weight, but Daryl latched onto his lips and murmured a soft, stay.

And so he did. He let himself sink onto Daryl’s body, the hard planes of their chests and hips locking together like perfectly matching puzzle pieces.

Rick knew what he wanted, he just wasn’t sure if this was the best position. This was going to be the first time they were able to move around and do what they wanted during sex and he wanted to see Daryl’s face, to be able to kiss him and bury his head in his shoulder when his sanity unraveled.

He was very aware of the level of intimacy they were about to share. Memories of Daryl being inside him flashed through his mind. That one experience had unlocked so much between them, bonded them together in previously unimaginable ways and restarted something in Rick’s weathered heart. This wasn’t about sex for them, it was about fully giving yourself over to someone you trusted in every way.

He’d never been able to trust one person so deeply like this before. He had trusted Shane with his life, but not Lori for she couldn’t protect him. He had trusted Lori with his vulnerability, but not Shane. What he’d had in two people before, he now had in one and it scared him more than anything ever had. If he lost Daryl…

“Rick…” Daryl’s hand was cupping the side of his face, bringing him back to the room, to their moment.

“Sorry, I uh…was thinking,” Rick said, offering a weak smile as if it would somehow reassure him.

Daryl snorted softly. “Yeah? ‘Bout what? Must be good to keep ya distracted from all this…”

Rick gave him a real smile this time and pressed his lips to the cheekbone under Daryl’s eye. “I was thinking about the first time.”

“Oh? It was that good?” Daryl teased.

Rick nodded. “Mmm hmmm, it was very good. Better than good.”

Daryl’s hand slid between them, creating space around their hips as he grabbed hold of Rick’s cock. “Ya want me to fuck ya right now, don’t ya?”

Rick swallowed and nodded again. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to fuck Daryl, he did, but he wanted to feel that again, Daryl inside him, all over him, protecting him, loving him.

“I’ll fuck ya, if that’s what you need,” Daryl said, moving out from underneath Rick.

“I’ll get you next time,” Rick said as a lame consolation prize and Daryl chuckled.

“Ya better, I ain’t leavin’ this world without knowing what it feels like, waited my whole damn life for this…”

Rick slid into position under him right as he said this and put his hand on his chest. “Wait…you want it that much?” The gravity of denying Daryl something he’d wanted his whole life was a burden he wasn’t sure he could bear.

Daryl’s hair was hanging over his eyes so he blew it out of the way, only to have it fall back exactly where it had been. “Fuck yeah I want it that much, but it can be for another time.”

“No, we’ll do it now,” Rick said.

“What the fuck man?” Daryl sighed in defeat. “If anyone found out we squabbled over who gets to bottom they’d fucking die of laughter.”

“Bottom?” Rick frowned, the word foreign and annoying to him. “I want to be with you both ways, I just…”

“A’right, stop your fussin’, we’ll do it your way,” Daryl said as he grabbed the bottle of lube and popped the top open.

Rick found his grumbly compliance cute and endearing. “I imagined this differently…” Slick fingers prodded at him, causing him to jump a little.

“How so? Did ya imagine this?” Daryl asked as a finger pressed into Rick.

“Yeah…yes. I imagined that…” The finger wiggled deeper and Rick’s eyes closed to focus more on how it felt.

Daryl moved one of his knees for better leverage and it slid under Rick’s thigh, causing him to spread open even more than before. “This ain’t the part I’ve been imaginin’.”

The finger moved again and Rick bit his lower lip in anticipation. “What part have you been thinking of?” Rick asked.

Daryl put his free hand under Rick’s thigh and pulled his leg higher, spreading him wider again. “When ya squeezed around me, fuck…” Daryl’s voice hitched as a second finger joined the first. “Drove me crazy when ya did that.”

“I was signaling you, because you were squeezing my hips,” Rick said and the fingers inside of him stilled.

“What?” They met eyes. Daryl looked confused.

“When I squeezed, I was responding to you, you were squeezing my hips. I thought we were communicating…” Rick trailed off, realizing Daryl had no clue what he was talking about. He started laughing. “That’s why you didn’t squeeze back when I grabbed your hand afterwards, oh it all makes sense now.”

Rick’s eyes fluttered closed as he laughed, but just as he opened them, he saw Daryl’s face descending upon his and their lips came together in a passionate kiss. “No more thinkin’,” Daryl finally said after devouring Rick’s mouth. “No more talkin’.” Another languid kiss melted Rick into the pillow. “Or I’m gonna come on the fuckin’ sheets before we get started.”

Once again, Rick found himself intensely aroused by Daryl’s ability to take control and dominate him. His cock strained against his abdomen as the fingers returned to their task and he could feel Daryl’s cock against his thigh, being rubbed ever so slowly against him. 

Rick got lost in the feeling of being surrounded and covered by Daryl. Fingers inside him, the other hand sliding all over his body, his hot mouth exploring his lips, his cheek and his neck, strong legs pinned him and kept his legs spread and his cock… Daryl’s cock. Rick wanted to touch it, but no matter how he tried to get his hands between them, Daryl blocked his path and finally grabbed the wrist of his wandering hand and kept it down.

His body was alive and he could feel Daryl everywhere at once and it wasn’t enough. He needed more in a way he’d never experienced before. He needed the union that could only come from two people in love who were trying to merge as one.

“Now,” Rick said, but it came out like a pleading whine. When Daryl didn’t stop, Rick growled and canted his hips up, dislodging him a bit to get his attention.

“Fuck me…now…” Rick reiterated when Daryl’s glazed over eyes finally met his.

If Daryl replied, Rick had no acknowledgment of it for the next thing he felt was Daryl leaning off his chest and the fingers slipping out of him. Daryl grabbed Rick’s cock and pumped it a few times while his other hand searched for the discarded bottle of lube. Rick took the distracted moment to run his hands up Daryl’s chest and tweak his nipples. When his ministrations warranted no response, he pinched both at the same time, reveling in the way Daryl’s head snapped back to him.

“Didn’t know a good boy like ya played dirty,” Daryl said, spotting the bottle and reaching for it. He had it open and a fresh supply of lube in his hand in no time.

“Oh I can play dirty,” Rick flashed his eyebrows at him, but Daryl seemed skeptical and unimpressed. Rick was expecting more banter, but found Daryl immersed in coating his cock and lining himself up.

“I ain’t fuckin’ kiddin’ when I say I’m gonna come on the sheets. If I don’t make it more than a minute, it’s your fault,” Daryl said as he pressed in. “Fuck.”

Rick felt the burn. It was different than he remembered, this was more intense for some reason. Perhaps it was because Daryl was pushing deeper, faster and the angle was different in this position. Rick closed his eyes again and bit his lower lip, both in pain and satisfaction. He wouldn’t have it any other way. His senses were off the charts overloaded, but it was his emotions that rocked him the most.

To feel connected to Daryl again like this meant everything.

Daryl seemed to be fairing no better. He was bracing himself up with his arms and his hair fell into his face as his head hung, eyes closed tight as he pulled out then slid back in. Rick knew the look, it meant Daryl was already at his limit and barely hanging on.

“Look at me,” Rick grabbed Daryl’s face, wanting to establish a more intimate connection. When he could finally into his blue eyes, Rick smiled and whispered, “let go.”

Daryl hesitated, eyes full of confusion at first, but then he understood and moved into wild abandon. His hips moved as they pleased, no longer held back by whatever mental force Daryl had summoned. Their lips clashed together so hard, Rick was sure there’d be bruises. The friction generated between them eased the pain into a strange, rolling pleasure that Rick felt would be his undoing.

But then, Daryl was already at his edge and he slammed into Rick so fast and so hard that his orgasm was impossible to miss as thrusts turned into full body muscle contractions that literally tore a sound of shock from his throat. And then he was still, the heat and weight of his body mixed with his labored breath the only indication that he was even alive.

Rick couldn’t stop the immense amount of pride that coursed through him. Watching Daryl unravel had been beyond anything he could have imagined in his wildest dreams. It didn’t even matter to him that he hadn’t come.

But it apparently mattered to Daryl. “Rick…”

“Mmmhmmm,” Rick rubbed Daryl’s back, lazily dragging his fingers across the marred texture of his skin.

Daryl finally mustered the energy to move off of him, settling heavy into the mattress on his back. “I’ll suck ya off, jus’ need a minute.” The lack of energy in his voice amused Rick.

“Relax, I got it,” Rick said, taking his own cock in his hand. He started stroking himself, eyes trained on Daryl’s face to see if it had any effect on him or not.

Indeed, Daryl was intently watching his hand glide up and down. Rick let himself sink into the feeling and was easily able to tap back into that current of pleasure that had been ignited when Daryl was inside him. Though it didn’t feel the same, knowing he was being watched added a new dimension to the fantasy playing in his head.

He kept seeing Daryl’s head hanging, hair over his tightly shut eyes as he tried to hold back just moments before. And then the fantasy played through to where he viscerally experienced Daryl’s full body orgasm. He didn’t even realize his eyes were closed until he felt Daryl’s hand on top of his, gliding with him. Rick switched with him, letting Daryl’s hand have full access to his cock then enclosing his hand around his lover’s.

Daryl inched closer, heat radiating off him as he mouthed at Rick’s beard, angling for a kiss. “Ya wanna fuck me?”

Rick groaned at the offer. “Yes, but I want you to come when I do it.”

More kisses trailed along his jaw. “I can come again.”

“Oh really?” Rick teased. He doubted Daryl would be able to come again so quickly after the earthquake that just rocked his body.

“I ain’t ever gonna be more relaxed than this,” Daryl said and Rick knew that was likely true so he considered it.

“You sure?”

“Yeah,” Daryl said, fumbling for the bottle of lube and handing it to Rick. “I’m sure.”

Rick immediately went to work, positioning them and slicking up his fingers. He figured it might actually be good to do it now, at least he wouldn’t last long either and Daryl could get a taste of it without having to suffer through a marathon of sex for his first time.

Daryl’s legs fell open for him, languid and inviting. Rick busied himself with prepping him, repeating what Daryl had done for him and hoping for the best. But it was strange to touch him there, to feel the heat around his finger and to know that this was Daryl that he was about to make love to.

He took his time, wanting the best experience for Daryl as well as to give him a chance to recover and enjoy what they were about to do. Daryl’s hips were moving on their own accord, driving Rick crazy with want. It was a complete reversal and a total turn on that Daryl had gone from completely dominate to eagerly submissive.

Rick didn’t wait for Daryl to indicate he was ready, figuring it was up to him to set the pace. He lubed up and without any fanfare or romantic gestures, he pushed through until he found himself balls deep. And then he knew exactly why Daryl had come in a hot minute.

His resolve started to break when Daryl squeezed around him before he was able to pull back out. “Fuck,” Rick said and Daryl chuckled, which caused more squeezing around him.

“I like it when ya swear,” Daryl said, grabbing at Rick’s shoulders to bring him down against his chest.

“I like it when you laugh when my cock’s inside you,” Rick said, gently starting to rock. He started with minimal thrusting until he felt Daryl could handle taking him at full cantor.

Daryl squeezed again and Rick nearly came undone. As much as he wanted to make love to him and give him a lifetime of memories from this one experience, he wasn’t going to be able to do all that this time. He wasn’t nearly as gone as Daryl had been, but he was pretty damn close.

Rick managed to set a steady pace and carry on for a few minutes until Daryl started pushing at him to change positions. “Somethin' I wanna try,” Daryl said as Rick sat back, waiting to see what they’d be doing.

Daryl got onto all fours and Rick nearly blew his load from the sight. Daryl had a nice ass. “Fuck,” Rick murmured, moving behind him and sliding back in. This position caused the bed to creak so Rick paused and pushed Daryl down to his stomach and continued fucking him from behind.

“Are you gonna be able to come again?” Rick asked, nearing the point of no return.

“No.” Daryl was pushing his hips back against him as best he could from his position.

“Okay,” Rick said, deciding to reach for completion. His body and mind were maxed out and when he came, he pulled out and jacked off on Daryl’s ass.

Rick huffed as he fell to the bed next to Daryl.

“Ya could’ve come inside me,” Daryl said, lifting his shoulder up enough to rest his arm over Rick’s chest.

“Yeah well…been wanting to come all over your ass for the better part of a week now so…” Rick confessed. His energy was completely depleted.

Rick was vaguely aware that Daryl was saying something, but his eyes were heavy and he couldn’t follow the words. All he could focus on was the image of his come splattered all over Daryl’s ass and the warmth of the arm draped over him. That and he’d never felt so sated in his life, ever.


	17. Chapter 17

“Get up! We gotta leave!” Someone yelled from the door causing Rick to stir. It was still dark and his eyes had a hard time placing where he was, but then he saw the flashlight the person in the door was holding and how the light bobbed toward him until a hand grabbed his shoulder, shaking him. “Rick! Daryl! Get up!”

It was Glenn. 

Without thinking, Rick threw the covers back and got onto his feet, reaching for his pants. The beam of the flashlight bounced all around the room, from Rick’s face to Daryl emerging from the other side of the bed and then down Daryl’s naked body. And then Rick’s naked body.

The hitch in Glenn’s voice was unmistakable. “We gotta…oh man, wow, okay…um…walkers, we spotted a herd of them near the road, we gotta leave, now.” Glenn turned to exit then stopped. “This is a secret, right?” 

Rick was still trying to kick start his brain from waking up so he was glad when Daryl answered. “Yeah.” And then Glenn was gone, shutting the door behind them.

Daryl had the wherewithal to find their own flashlight and set it up so it illuminated the ceiling enough for them to dress and grab their packs. Rick struggled with his shirt, fumbling with the buttons. Why he thought it was a great idea to wear button ups in an apocalypse was beyond him. He made a mental note to find more t-shirts and pullover shirts next chance he got.

“We only got two cars,” Daryl said, huffing around behind him as he got ready. 

“We’ll make it work,” Rick said, “we always do.” But Daryl was right, there weren’t enough seats for all of them.

“Glenn?” Daryl’s mention of what had just happened caused Rick to tense. He didn’t know how to deal with it other than to ignore and move on and deal with it later, but maybe Daryl needed reassurance.

“Knows how to keep his mouth shut,” Rick replied, shoving his feet into his cowboy boots. Then something struck him as odd. “The door was locked, how’d he get in?”

Daryl was right behind him, the flashlight in his hand now. “Fuck, I got up to smoke, forgot to lock it when I came back in.” For some reason, this irritated Rick, but he wasn’t sure why and he didn’t have time to think about it. 

By the time they were down the stairs and out of the house, the others had gathered near the vehicles.

“We sit on laps, everyone in.” Abraham was directing them. 

“Pop the trunk,” Daryl said, thumping the hood as he walked by the car he and Rick had found. Sasha leaned into the driver’s seat and did as he said.

Rick went to put his pack in the trunk, but Daryl stopped him. “Two can fit in here.”

It took a moment for Rick to realize that Daryl meant two _people_ could fit in there. It wasn’t ideal, but it was smart. Rick nodded and surveyed the group, sizing people up for who would be best on a lap and who would fit best together in the trunk. 

Tara was still sick, so he selected her for the trunk, at the very least she could lie down and rest and they wouldn’t be down a skilled fighter (he’d seen her shoot and she had a ways to go). While he was debating on the second person, he signaled for Michonne and Tyrese to take the passenger seats of each car.

“Rick,” Daryl nudged him. “I think we should both take a car, meet up at the house with the play set.” But all Rick thought was _the house where we got the lube_. “In case we get split up, we both know where it’s at, can meet there.”

“Okay, yeah…” Rick heard him, knowing that meant they’d be in different cars. Something deep inside begged him to stay together, that separating was risky and he’d learned that the hard way one too many times in this world, but it was a decent plan. That house still had clothes and supplies even after they’d taken what they needed.

All their packs went in Rick’s trunk while Tara and a very reluctant Carl got in the other. Rick knew Carl could be an asset in the car, but he was just one of the smaller people who could fit in there with her and so that was that. When all was said and done, Rick had five in his car, Michonne in the passenger seat to assist with any trouble, Eugene, Abraham and Bob crowding out the back seat with Rosita splayed across them.

As they started to drive, Rick following behind Daryl, he realized that almost everyone he loved was in Daryl’s car. Carl, Judith, Maggie, Glenn, Carol… his whole world was in that car, entrusted to the one person he could count on the most. Rick had Michonne, but that was it, the others were basically strangers to him, even Bob who he’d never really gotten to know at the prison.

The tail lights in front of him swerved and Rick’s heart started racing when he saw the dark mass of moving bodies in the road. He watched as Daryl drove off the road and went around them, but by the time Rick made to follow, the wall of walkers had curved in behind the other car. 

Panicked, Rick put the car in park and was about to get out and go help them when Michonne grabbed his arm.

“Rick, Daryl’s got this, you know he does. You can’t go out there.” Her words were backed with a knowing confidence that Rick couldn’t find. 

“I can’t just leave him!” Rick argued. 

“He’d want you to,” she said, her hand still tightly holding his forearm. “He wouldn’t want you going into that.”

Rick hit the steering wheel with his hands. Fuck, she was right. He wouldn’t make it fifty feet on foot and Daryl was quick on his feet in getting out of sticky situations, he just hoped it was enough.

~*~

The level of guilt Rick felt was debilitating. Michonne had taken over driving after they’d doubled back to avoid the herd and taken another road north. Rick simply stared out the window into the darkness and told her where to turn. He held out hope that the other car had somehow made it out the other side and was already at the house waiting for them.

No such luck. 

When they arrived, Rick’s heart sank and he felt like he’d been punched in the gut. It only took him a minute to recover, though, and he was around the hood of the car and getting into the driver’s seat again to head back.

“Rick, don’t,” Michonne said. “They’ll be here.”

“She’s right,” Abraham chimed in. “If they made it out, they’ll be here as soon as they can.”

“And if not?” Rick spat. He was angry that he seemed to be the only one torn up about potentially losing a carful of their friends. “We go back for people. I go back for people.”

“I’ll go with you,” Rosita said, surprising everyone. 

Abraham shook his head. “Hell no you won’t.”

“You gonna stop me?” She countered, moving to the passenger side door to get in.

“Rick,” Michonne started in again. “He will be here. I feel it. I know it. Please don’t go out there, he’ll need you when you get back, Carl too.”

“I’d put my bet on him anytime,” Abraham said. “If anyone will bring them back, he will.”

“You don’t even know him!” Rick didn’t know why he was still in the driveway, arguing when he could be halfway there already. Frustrated, he slammed the door shut and turned the engine back on. It wasn’t until that moment when it caught up to him that Michonne and Abraham were talking about Daryl and not Carl. He just assumed they’d think he meant Carl when he was saying he couldn’t leave him, even though he was really talking about Daryl. 

But they knew. Both of them. And now Glenn too.

And if Eugene was as smart as they said, he knew too, because he stood a few feet away, silently gauging the conversation. Bob and Rosita, they would be able to piece it together if they hadn’t already.

Yet, none of that mattered. All that mattered was that Daryl and his children and his family were safe. Just as he put the car in reverse, Bob started waving his arms.

“Hey! Headlights! I see headlights!” Bob tapped on the window. 

Rick craned his neck around and looked out the rearview mirror. Sure enough, headlights.

The level of immediate relief Rick felt was intoxicating. Daryl had to be the one driving, because he was the only one who knew where the house was, which meant he was alive. _Alive_. The word coursed through Rick’s body like a drug. 

He managed to gather his wits about him when the car pulled up and went to the trunk first to check on his son, but his eyes lingered on Daryl in the driver’s seat, needing to verify his well-being. The trunk popped open and people started pouring out of the car from every door. 

“Anyone hurt?” Bob asked, having already dug out his meager medical supply bag that had been in the first car. They hadn’t been able to gather much since leaving Terminus, but they had enough to deal with minor stuff.

“Carl!” Rick’s voice strained as he helped his son out of the trunk. 

“Dad, I think she’s really sick,” Carl said, looking back at Tara. She was asleep and still lying in the trunk.

“Bob, over here!” Rick called out, not even trying to keep his voice down. He took the opportunity to check on the others, putting a hand on Maggie’s shoulder as he walked past, grateful to see her smile and then he nodded at Glenn. 

He met Daryl’s eyes and stepped toward him when Carol approached from his side and held Judith out for him to take. With an armful of his daughter, he continued toward Daryl, wanting to embrace him, kiss him, verify he was alright, but unsure of how to act in front of the others.

Daryl’s face remained unreadable even as they moved into each other’s space. Rick couldn’t hug him easily while holding Judith, but Daryl reached out and put a hand on his arm to connect them. 

“I thought…” Rick couldn’t even articulate the horrors he had imagined. 

Daryl nodded, but still remained expressionless.

“I knew you’d be fine,” Michonne said, appearing next to them. “Hey girl, come here and give me a kiss,” she said to Judith, holding her arms out. Judith smiled and leaned out of Rick’s arms and into Michonne’s. Rick figured she was trying to give them a moment to reconnect, to do something, anything, to reaffirm what they meant to each other.

She bounced Judith a little and turned away, carrying her toward the house. Rick was about to reach out for Daryl, but found himself pulled into his lover’s strong arms before he could even get his muscles to move.

“Fuck, Rick…” Daryl whispered in his ear. Their hug was intense. They were pulled together tight, unwilling to let go.

“Fuck is right,” Rick said, his eyes closing in a stolen moment of peace. It was just them, the others disappearing from their minds and the world was a distant memory.

“Rick…” Glenn’s voice broke them apart. “We gotta get Tara in the house.”

Running his hand down his face and scrubbing at his beard, Rick agreed. “There’s a bedroom at the end of the hall, it’s a kid’s room with a twin bed, put her in there.”

“I’ll take ya ‘round back, we jimmied the door open when we was here last,” Daryl said. Their moment was over, lost to an unforgiving world, but their moment was etched into their hearts and that was enough for now.


	18. Chapter 18

Bob and Carol watched over Tara, making sure she stayed hydrated. They didn’t think it was more than a cold, but with their lack of basic medicine she was run down and needed to sleep and recuperate as much as possible.

This house was smaller than the last two they’d stayed out, so Rick and Daryl were unable to claim a bedroom and bunkered down in the living room with the others, slumber party style. At first, Rick put his bedding next to Daryl’s, but then thought better of it and moved across the room to be with his son. He could only imagine waking up in the morning to find the group of them staring down at he and Daryl wrapped up around each other, having taken to spooning in their sleep.

Carl was mad at him though, for having been put in the trunk, so Rick stared at his son’s back once they all settled down to sleep. He heard Glenn and Daryl discussing the watch schedule and hoisted himself to his feet to join them. They moved their conversation outside onto the front stoop. 

“I’ll take it,” Glenn said for the fifth time since they’d been out there. “I don’t mind.”

“You were on watch before all this mess, go get some sleep,” Rick said. 

“Yeah, we’ll take care of it,” Daryl backed him up. “Go be with ya girl.”

Rick didn’t know why Glenn was stalling. “He’s right, go be with Maggie.”

Glenn looked at them curiously, one then the other. “Are you guys…together?” Glenn finally asked and it became clear as to why he’d lingered so long outside with them.

Rick cleared his throat and looked down at his boots to form an answer. 

“Shit happened,” Daryl said, causing Rick to glance up at him. “Them Termite fuckers wanted us to put on a show.” Daryl shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal. “They were gonna kill Rick, eat Carl, cut off my dick,” Daryl said and the hair on the back Rick’s neck stood up, he hadn’t known about that part. “So we put on a show.”

“To survive,” Rick added.

“What kind of show?” Glenn asked, shock written all over his face.

Daryl pulled out a cigarette and lit it, taking a deep drag. “The adult kind.”

They gave Glenn a minute to process it. “With each other?”

“Yeah, with each other,” Rick answered, surprised Daryl was telling Glenn the whole story.

Glenn just stared at them. “So then…you’re not together?”

“No, we are,” Daryl said. 

Glenn blinked, confused, so Rick explained. “Because we, uh, had that experience, it caused us to, uh…” He struggled to find a replacement word for _want_.

“Wanna do it again,” Daryl said, never one to beat around the bush. “So we did.”

Glenn shook his head as if to dispel the image that had jumped into his mind. “Whoa, don’t need all the details, I get it. So it’s just casual then?”

“Ain’t casual,” Rick said, clearing his throat again. “We’re together together.”

Glenn’s eyebrows were furrowed as he looked at Daryl. “What about Carol?”

“What ‘bout her?” Daryl’s asked, his voice heavy.

“She’s in love with you,” Glenn said and Rick’s heart constricted. He had hoped she wasn’t, for her sake.

“I know,” Daryl said, which surprised Rick even more. “Can’t help who I have feelin’s for, neither can she. It is what it is.”

“You gonna tell her?” Glenn asked.

Rick was still reeling from the whole Carol thing, but he fielded this one. “We will, we’ll find a way to tell her.”

“I’ll tell her,” Daryl said, meeting Rick’s eyes with a fierce gaze. “Alone.”

Rick felt hurt by this, but it made sense. If he were Carol, he wouldn’t want the pair of them sitting her down and declaring their love in her face. 

“Abraham knows,” Rick said, “about us. Michonne does too I think.” He saw Daryl wince at the news. 

“I’m gonna tell Maggie,” Glenn said, as if it was non-negotiable.

“Course ya are,” Daryl said, but he didn’t seem upset. 

“I want to tell Carl when the time is right,” Rick added. “So until then—”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s a secret, got it,” Glenn cut him off, holding his hand up in understanding.

The conversation changed after that, the three of them discussing plans for the next day and the week ahead until Glenn finally turned in, leaving Rick and Daryl alone outside.

“They said nothing for a long while, standing side by side and staring out across the front yard that seemed to go on forever before reaching the road. It was one of those yards that someone would have to mow with a riding mower because it was so big. It felt safer for some reason, though it wasn’t like the walkers always stayed to the road, but with the big open space and only two small trees, they could spot something moving quickly. 

“Ya really gonna tell Carl?” Daryl broke the silence, procuring another cigarette from his pocket. He cupped his hand around the end to light it.

Rick scanned the yard before answering, not really thinking, but just taking everything in. “I don’t want him to find out some other way and at the rate we’re going, he’ll figure it out sooner rather than later.”

Daryl didn’t reply. He took a drag of his smoke and stared into the empty yard.

“Is it alright with you if I tell him?” Rick asked.

“He’s your kid.” Daryl shrugged and tapped the ash off the end of his cigarette. 

Rick turned to look at him directly. “And Carol?”

“What ‘bout her?” Their eyes locked together and Rick felt like they were squaring off.

Rick broke the eye contact and looked back out across the yard, resting his hands on his hips. “She’s in love with you?”

“Mmmmm…” Daryl hummed and Rick assumed that meant yes.

“You ever…” Rick paused, took a deep breath and debated on not asking, but something inside him needed to know. “You ever hook up with her?”

“She made a pass at me a few times,” Daryl said, neither confirming or denying anything. His answer left Rick wanting.

Rick closed his eyes and willed the unsettled feeling in his stomach away. He was jealous, plain and simple. He had forgotten how many undesirable emotions could come with a relationship.

“And what? That’s it? She made a pass…did you take her up on it?” Rick hated how agitated he sounded.

Daryl dropped the butt and put it out with his foot. “What do ya want me to say Rick? That I didn’t take her up on it?”

 _Fuck._ Rick’s heart sank. “I want to know the truth, but you just told me so I guess that’s that.”

“That’s what? Ya were married for fuck’s sake. Don’t tell me ya didn’t screw ‘round with Lori.” Daryl defended.

“What does my marriage have to do with this?” Rick countered, frustrated that the tables had been turned on him somehow.

Daryl made an exaggerated face at him that implied Rick was a hypocrite. “So cause ya was married it’s fine that ya got some action, but me…I get some and ya freak the fuck out.”

“It ain’t because of that, it’s because she’s still alive!” Rick finally blurted out, pointing at the front door. “And in the house. With you.”

Daryl looked pissed. And Rick didn’t blame him, but he wanted some compassion. It wasn’t like Lori was going to magically show up and ask to suck his dick, but Carol…what if she still thought Daryl was all hers.

“I’m gonna tell her,” Daryl growled, his eyes alight with fire.

“Did you sleep with her?” His voice was quiet in comparison to his last outburst.

Daryl threw his hands up in the air. “Come on, Rick, ya really wanna know the details?”

“Yeah, I wanna know.” Rick didn’t know why he was pushing Daryl, but he couldn’t stop himself.

Daryl turned away, swearing under his breath. He kicked at the bushes that lined the front stoop. “She went down on me…didn’t even kiss her or nothin’. I couldn’t stay hard so I made her stop. She figured I was embarrassed so she said she’d wait for me to make the first move next time.”

“And?” Rick was having a hard time imagining Carol’s mouth wrapped around Daryl’s cock, but knowing he hadn’t enjoyed it helped immensely.

“And there ain’t been a next time,” Daryl said.

Rick let out a deep sigh. “When? When did this happen?” He needed to know if it was recent or in the distant past.

“When we first got to the prison. Lori was still pregnant,” Daryl said, reaching for another cigarette. “Didn’t know I had to answer to ya ‘bout everythin’ I’ve done. Fuck this shit.”

“Daryl,” Rick said, reaching out to touch his arm. Daryl shrugged him off.

“Fuck you Rick,” he said, lighting the second smoke. “Ya wanna tell me about every time ya fucked Lori? Or maybe I can tell ya ‘bout the time I caught Shane with Lori, ya wanna know ‘bout that too?”

Rick stared at him, dumbfounded.

“Yeah, that’s right, I fuckin’ saw them,” Daryl said, starting to pace. He was riled up now and Rick knew it was all his fault. 

“Enough,” Rick said, but he wasn’t bothered by the Lori and Shane thing, he was upset that he had pushed Daryl to this point just to feed his own demons. 

“Oh now it’s enough,” Daryl ranted. “Got it. When Rick says it’s enough, better shut the fuck up, but when I say it’s enough…” 

Rick grabbed Daryl’s arm and pulled him to him roughly, forcing their eyes together. “I fucking love you. And I’m sorry.” Rick bit out. He had fucked up so many times with Lori, heard her say the same things that just came out of Daryl’s mouth and he wasn’t going to fuck this up too. He was willing to admit he was wrong, to let it go, he just hoped he had figured it out soon enough for Daryl’s sake.

Daryl tried to pull free, but it was a half-assed attempt, because Rick knew that if he really wanted to be let go, he’d be free already. “I’m not Lori,” Daryl seethed.

“I know,” Rick said, finding compassion. “I know you’re not.”

“Ya decide to be a dick again and I’m gonna…” Daryl trailed off.

“You’re gonna what?” Rick asked with genuine interest. “I deserve it, trust me, I know I’m a dick.”

Daryl finally shook loose of Rick. “She had made a pass at me, some joke ‘bout screwing ‘round. I didn’t think she was serious. Then later, she walked right up to me and grabbed my belt buckle. I remember thinkin’, what the fuck is she doin’?”

Rick took a step back, wishing he didn’t have to hear all this, but then again, he was the one who demanded to be told, so it was all on him.

“She said somethin’, don’t remember exactly, but somethin’ like she was tired of waitin’ for me to make a move. She had my dick out before I could process that she was actually goin’ for it.”

“You don’t have to tell me Daryl,” Rick said.

“Ya said what ya wanted to say, it’s my turn. Fuckin’ listen,” Daryl snapped and Rick figured this was his punishment for being a jealous, possessive lunatic earlier. “I let her do it, ya wanna know why?”

Rick rubbed his chin. No, he didn’t want to know. “Why?”

“Cause I couldn’t have ya! Ya were married and I figured I’d never get a chance with ya so I let her. I wanted to want her, cause she wanted me and she gets me, knows when to leave me alone, when to be there, when to shut the fuck up and when to speak out. I let her, hopin’ it’d kick start something inside me that’d erase everythin’ ‘bout ya that’d been plaguin’ my damn mind.”

The gravity of what he was saying hit Rick hard. If this was true, then Daryl had been interested in him for a long time, not just since Terminus.

“I put my hands in her damn hair, Rick, closed my eyes and imagined it was ya instead of her…ya both got short fuckin’ curls…but I couldn’t. I knew it wasn’t ya and I couldn’t enjoy it. Couldn’t even stay hard. She thought it was her…I made up some shit ‘bout bein’ tired. She knew I was lyin’. Never felt so guilty in my life. She didn’t deserve that.” 

“How long have you…been interested in me?” Rick asked, no longer bothered by his encounter with Carol.

Daryl narrowed his eyes at him. “Ya’ve wanted for me for a week. Ya ain’t the one that’s gonna lose out here if ya wake the fuck up and remember you’re into girls.” Daryl waved his hand about. “Ya don’t get to know how long I’ve wanted ya because ya haven’t fuckin’ earned it yet. Ya ain’t been through what I’ve been through.”

“Love isn’t about earning stuff,” Rick said gently. “It’s about sharing. I want you to share what you went through with me.”

“Stop treatin’ me like the fuckin’ enemy then!” Daryl was not ready to back down. 

“Lori used to say that…” Rick said, sitting down on one of the concrete steps. “She said it a lot actually.”

Daryl paced in front of him before squatting down to his level. “I’m the one that’s gotta worry that you’re gonna leave. Ya don’t gotta worry, I’m here, I’ve been here. So why the fuck are ya the one actin’ like this? It should be me, not ya.”

Rick sighed. “I’m not as confident as I pretend to be,” he said, feeling old and tired. He’d had this fight so many times with Lori that it was obvious now that he was the problem, not her and certainly not Daryl.

“No shit.” Daryl popped back up to his feet then moved to sit next to him on the stoop. 

“I have a bad habit of making everything about me,” Rick said. “Lori and I went to a couple’s therapist a few times. I stopped going because I felt like they were just ganging up on me. The therapist said the same thing you and Lori said…I treat people I love the most like the enemy. I didn’t believe them, thought they were just trying to win an argument, but they were right. You’re right. Even Shane…I started seeing him as the enemy.”

Daryl snorted. “Shane was the fuckin’ enemy.”

“Yeah but I couldn’t put my own shit aside to be there for him, to repair our friendship. I couldn’t fix things with Lori either. I didn’t even try. And now I’m doing it with you, pushing you away because I’m afraid you’re going to figure out I’m a mess,” Rick said, feeling a sense of relief for finally speaking his long buried truth.

“Ya ain’t gotta be afraid,” Daryl said. “I already know you’re a mess and I’m still here, ain’t I?”

Rick laughed. “Who would’ve ever guessed Daryl Dixon would be the one to break through my walls?”

“I know my way ‘round walls, got so many of them it’s like livin’ in a maze,” Daryl said. 

“I wish I knew how to get through your walls,” Rick said, offering a small smile.

Daryl put his hand on Rick’s knee. “Ya already did.”


	19. Chapter 19

They had survived their first argument as a couple and Rick felt like he’d made some personal growth for at least being able to admit he was afraid. They’d immediately fallen back into their easy camaraderie, giving Rick a chance to process the fact that Daryl had been interested in him for a year or possibly more.

He kept thinking back, looking for anything that might have stood out in his memories that would indicate Daryl’s interest. Nothing popped out at him. He wondered if it was at the farm, he’d started relying more on Daryl then. Or maybe it wasn’t until the months on the road before the prison, that brutal winter when they bounced around like vagabonds. He and Daryl had spent many a night on watch together, drinking old stale coffee that Carol had warmed up over a fire.

Rick missed those days. He had hope then, real hope. And real fear. The fear had driven them to figure things out, to become the people they were now. 

But maybe it was all the way back at the quarry when they first met. Had Daryl been interested in him since day one? Rick was going to ask him again, he wanted to know. He wanted to piece together the tapestry that was solely them and Daryl was the only one who had those pieces. Rick wanted them too, he wanted to cherish every bit of them that he could.

He remembered that Michonne had said she noticed something back at the prison, something about Daryl being interested in him, so Rick went in search of her the next morning after everyone gathered for a small breakfast. Abraham and Rosita had gone out looking for a third car while the rest of the group organized supplies and checked surrounding houses.

Rick paired up with Michonne as they searched the detached garage. 

“Glenn knows, Maggie too by now,” Rick said, picking up a screwdriver from a dusty shelf. When she turned and simply looked at him, he continued. “About me and Daryl. Abraham knows too.”

“That he had to hurt you or that you’re together?” She asked, glancing off to scan a shelf full of paint cans.

“Both, I think,” Rick said, putting the screwdriver down when he spotted a small axe. 

“Carol knows,” Michonne said and Rick’s outreached hand stilled mid-air. 

“What?” He turned toward her, shocked and worried.

Michonne pushed the paint cans aside, checking the back of the shelf before acknowledging him. “She’s okay. She said she figured it out a few days ago, but she had already suspected he wasn’t interested in women months ago.”

Rick grabbed the axe handle and picked it up, gauging its weight and seeing how it fit in his hand. “We weren’t together until this week.”

“I know. You’re not hiding it as well as you think,” she said, a small grin appearing on her face. 

Rick hated to hear that, but knew it was true. They were trying to be discreet about sixty percent of the time and the other forty they were just airheaded dingbats. Like their argument on the front stoop, they raised their voices and didn’t even concern themselves with the possibility that the others might be able to hear them from inside the house. If they had heard, though, no one said anything.

“When did you figure it out?” Rick asked, trying to be nonchalant, but this was the main reason he brought her in here, to discover a piece of their story.

“When you got together?” 

“No, at the prison…you said you’d noticed that he was…ah, I don’t remember, checking me out or something.” Rick was partially acting dumb but it was true that he couldn’t remember exactly what she’d said.

“He would stare. At first I thought he was interested in me, but then I realized he was only looking at me when I was with you so then I started watching him watch you. It was something I did to pass the time…watching him watch you.” She grinned, her eyes spacing into a memory.

Rick listened, hoping she’d tell him more. “He do that a lot?”

“All the time. I was surprised when Carol told me how she felt about him, I thought it was obvious that he was interested in you, wondered how the rest of them didn’t see it. But then I figured it out. They thought he was looking to you as the male role model he never had.” She met his eyes, a look of knowing in them that resonated with Rick’s heart. 

“They were right, but it was more. Caught him checking out your ass a few times.” She winked.

Rick tried to fight back a grin, but it won and slid across his face anyway. 

“I felt bad for him,” she continued. “You didn’t see him like that and you never would. So imagine my surprise when you did. You gonna tell me what happened at Terminus that opened your eyes?”

“It’s not something we want everyone to know,” Rick said. “But Daryl told Glenn so I suppose no harm in telling you. They tied me down…made him…do things to me.”

Michonne’s eyes grew wide and he realized she hadn’t suspected something like that.

“Things?” 

“Sexual things,” Rick said, glancing away, pretending to be interested in a hook on the wall that was holding a wrapped up orange power cord.

“Is it just sexual for you?” Her question stung, an accusation of sorts that caused Rick to clench his jaw.

“You think I’d do that to him?” He retorted with a bark. 

“I think people do lots of things these days that they wouldn’t have done before. I don’t doubt you, Rick, just making sure.” She was firm, but kind and Rick appreciated her concern, even if he wasn’t the one she was concerned about.

“Sorry, just…he asked me the same question, in a sense. Why is it about me that makes it so hard to believe I have real feelings for him?” 

Michonne crossed the garage and put a hand on his shoulder. “I believe you have real feelings for him. I think it’s easy for people to misunderstand though, considering you’re straight.”

Rick grimaced. He hadn’t thought of it like that. Did that make Daryl gay? Wasn’t Rick gay then too? Or at least bi?

“I don’t think of it like that,” he said, stepping away from her to grab a pair of work gloves. He stuffed them in his back pocket as best he could. “We ain’t…gay or straight or bi…we’re just…”

“I get it,” she said. “Just telling you how it looks to other people, because you asked.”

“Love is love,” he said. “I didn’t know I could want to be with him like that until…until it happened. I ain’t saying I’d feel the same way if it was anyone else, it’s because it’s him. He’s…I love him, always have, just didn’t know it was this kind of love. I wouldn’t have made it this far without him. He supported me when the others didn’t. He…he’s a better man than me, he’s proven that more times than I can count and he had every reason to walk, to leave us, but he stayed.”

“I’m glad you were finally able to see him in this way. This is the happiest I’ve ever seen him,” Michonne said. “You too actually.”

A sudden knock on the door grabbed their attention. Daryl stood on the other side, they could see him through the glass panes of the window on the top part of the door. They’d broken one of the panes to unlock it and get in, which meant he could likely hear them. Rick didn’t feel worried though, he meant everything he’d said and he hoped Daryl had overheard them.

“Hey,” Daryl said, moving into the garage once they acknowledged him. “Ya got a minute?” 

“Yeah, we were just finishing up in here,” Rick said as Michonne breezed by Daryl, heading back to the house. “What’s up?”

“Somethin’ ain’t sittin’ right with me,” Daryl said, glancing over his shoulder and out the window as if making sure Michonne was out of earshot.

“Oh?” Rick’s stomach tightened and started to buzz nervously. He might as well have said _we have to talk_. 

“It ain’t right for me to break ya balls over how long ya have or haven’t wanted this,” Daryl said, his eyes lowering as his voice lulled into guilt. “Ya gotta know, I never thought this would actually happen and it’s beyond anythin’ I could’ve imagined. It’s a lot to take in, even though it’s somethin’ I’ve been wantin’.”

“No, you have every right. You were right when you said I haven’t been through what you’ve been through.”

“Truth is, while I wanted this, I’m not actually prepared for it,” he said and Rick felt his stomach tighten in worry. Here it was, the _we can’t do this_ speech.

Rick nodded, but not in agreement, more as a sign he was open to hearing what he had to say. “That mean you wanna call it off?” The words left his mouth like ragged pieces of glass on his tongue.

Daryl looked startled. “What? No, that ain’t what I’m sayin’, ya don’t want that do ya?”

Rick shook his head this time. “No, I don’t want to call it off, just not sure where you’re going with this and it sounds a lot like a breakup speech.”

Daryl actually grinned. “We gotta work on our communication skills cause I’m tryin’ to tell ya that I’m in this pretty deep without a clue how to swim.”

Rick felt his whole body relax and he managed to chuckle at the image in his mind of Daryl flailing around in water that was only waist deep. “I’m not a great swim instructor, barely keeping my head above water myself. But I think we’re doing okay…this is better communication than I ever had with…” he trailed off, not wanting to mention Lori. “At least we’re both doing our best to be honest.”

Daryl brought his thumb up to his mouth and started chewing on a cuticle. “Ya ain’t gotta avoid talkin’ ‘bout her. It don’t bother me.”

“It bothers me,” Rick said. “I don’t want you to think I still want her or would have wanted her, it was over back on the farm. I couldn’t go back to her after Shane…not them together, I could deal with that, but having to kill him. I couldn’t go back to her, not after that. And I didn’t want to. If we’re being honest here then let me tell you, because I’ve never told anyone this before, but I blamed her for me having to kill Shane.” Rick started to feel anger rise in his system. He had never confessed this but it was true. “I wouldn’t have had to kill him if she wasn’t pregnant and if she hadn’t slept with him and if she had been honest right away. If I had known the day I got back, I wouldn’t have slept with her, given her time to sort things out, would’ve been clear Judith is Shane’s and I would have let them have that. I would have.” He was getting worked up.

“Ya ain’t gotta explain yourself to me,” Daryl said softly.

“No, I don’t, but I want you to know I appreciate the honesty about Carol. Didn’t want to hear it, but I’d rather know. Shane and Lori lied to my face and I get it, I get why they did it, but it just made things worse, not better. I had to kill one of them and shut the other one out and I know they were scared, but I still blame them, especially Lori.”

“I’ve lied to your face,” Daryl said suddenly, causing Rick to pause.

“You have?” His heart started racing at the thought of it.

“That one time I came back after dark to the prison and ya asked what took me so long, I told ya I had to fix a bunch of snares, they’d been damaged by a storm…” Daryl started.

“Yeah?” Rick swallowed hard, having no idea where this was going.

“Snares were fine. Truth is, I fuckin’ jacked off twice that day thinkin’ ‘bout ya and was too embarrassed to come back. Was afraid you’d be able to see it in my eyes or somethin’. ”

Rick smiled at the thought of Daryl in the woods, jerking off. “That’s not something you lied to my face about.”

“It was the first time I’d done it,” Daryl said. “Not jerked off, done that before, meant first time I’d done it thinkin’ ‘bout ya.”

“Is that when you started liking me?” Rick asked, back to wanting to know how long this had been going on for him.

“Naw, just the first time I did somethin’ ‘bout it. Guess that’s why it was twice that day, first time only made me wanna do it again.” Daryl shrugged, as if it was no big deal.

Rick felt heat rise in his cheeks, but blood was also pooling elsewhere. He licked his lips. “Really?”

Daryl squinted at him. “Ya think I’d make that shit up?”

“No, I just…” Rick couldn’t hold back the smile that went with the feeling that was welling inside him. “No one’s ever told me they did _that_ while thinkin’ of me.”

Daryl stepped closer, glancing over his shoulder as he moved. He stopped short of their bodies coming into contact and lowered his eyes to Rick’s lips. “So then I suppose no one’s ever told ya they’ve done that _a lot_ while thinkin’ ‘bout ya?”

Rick swallowed and licked his lips again. It certainly wasn’t the time, but he was getting hard just thinking about Daryl with his hand on his cock, lost in pleasure. “No, I suppose they haven’t,” Rick said, anxious to close the distance for a kiss, but hyperaware that they could be walked in on at any moment. “Who has watch tonight?”

“Not us,” Daryl husked out and Rick felt the charge between them intensify. God this man could ignite a passion in him beyond anything he’d ever felt before.

Rick bit back a groan, but the sound still escaped him and Daryl smirked. “We should do…thangs…”

“ _Thangs_?” Daryl mimicked. “What kinda thangs?”

Glancing away, Rick shook his head to try and pull himself out of the heat that was encapsulating them. “Oh, you know… all sorts of thangs.”

“Hmmm,” Darly hummed and stepped back, breaking the bubble of tension around them. “I’m gonna go check the house down the road. You stay here…” he said, raking his eyes down Rick’s body and then back up again, meeting his eyes, “and think long and hard ‘bout those _thangs_.”

Rick almost grabbed him, not caring if the others saw them but managed to hold back. 

“And when I get back later, after I search that house up the way, we can talk 'bout all those thangs,” Daryl said, slowly rubbing a thumb across the strap of his crossbow.

“Secure that house, cause we’re gonna need it tonight,” Rick said, finally caving in with a growl and reaching for him. Latching onto his arm, he pulled Daryl in for a quick, heated kiss then stepped back, both of them looking in every direction to make sure they were still alone. 

Daryl turned to leave the garage, but came to a halt in front of the door. He seemed to be thinking before he spoke, but he didn’t turn to face Rick. “Right after Andrea shot me…that’s how long it’s been.”

Rick watched his shoulders tense and wondered if that had been difficult to admit. “Thank you,” Rick said. 

And without looking back, Daryl was out the door leaving Rick with a raging hard on and a warm and fuzzy feeling in his heart. He needed to find a quiet place where he wouldn’t be disturbed for bit—long enough to think about all those _thangs_ they’d be doing later.


End file.
